Transitions = Stress

That is my current thought as our family is going through some major upheavals transitions into new things, new seasons.  I also see families and individuals around me doing the same.  It’s unsettling.  It’s uncomfortable.  Sometimes we look for it.  Sometimes we are pushed into it.  I think I’m one of those who have to be pushed.  Take for example, this new season of life where there are no more babies.  If I had a choice, I’d just throw this transition right into the trash.  That is not possible.  So I am pushed to the next thing.

Some people take things like this better in stride.  Take, for example, my friend who just had a reorganizing party at her house as she moves from teeny tiny family to large family as her children are growing and there is a new baby in the house.   There is so much more to do than even a year or two ago.  Soon the children will be eating more, their clothes will not hang halfway down the closet wall, but will fill the closets fully – and will cost a good deal more, and there are many new projects and ideas in the air.   I watch my friend go through these things with a good spirit, working through adjustments, looking for the next solution.   She is much better at it than me.  Instead of being pushed from behind, she is drawn toward what is before her.

We attended her reorganizing party, and much was done to settle the household into organized closets, a re-worked laundry room, and so forth. 

As I look back over my parenting years, now over twenty four, there are many things I would do differently so that the transitions in our lives would have been anticipated and gone more smoothly.  One in particular I have been changing for my little ones where I believe I failed with the older ones.  And that is in the acquisition of “things.”  Birthday presents.  Christmas presents.  Free time activities and projects. 

The error I made is that there were too many purchases not geared toward the future, not drawing my children forward.  For example, a five year old can acquire a $50 princess outfit for her birthday along with a princess party and princess paper partyware.   Or, a five year old can acquire with that same $50 dollars a little bank with a sewing machine picture glued to the front and she can put $20 in that bank for the machine she will purchase at age 12.  Another $20 can purchase a nice hardback book, most likely something her mother will read to her, and that starts this little girl’s library that will live with her for the rest of her life.  The remaining $10 can be used on a project that she can do right now, which builds her hand and tactile and thinking skills for the future. 

The difference in value between the princess outfit and the other plan is significant.  The latter teaches saving for the future, acquiring knowledge, and building skills.  The princess theme is, frankly, a waste, and basically says, “It’s all about ME.”

As to the party, if it must be had, the value can also be changed.  Perhaps some friends could be invited over, but here the purpose would be to turn it into a service project for an elderly neighbor or a trip to a nursing home.  Making bookmarks, boxing up candies, or any little crafty thing to give away.  So the party turns outward, not inward, and the birthday girl learns that it’s not all about me. 

I remember one year I did Christmas gifts for under $100 for all of my children and because I spent six months garage sale-ing, I had a large quantity of gifts.  James’ mom was here that Christmas and could not believe that I had bought about $2000 worth of “things” for under $100.  After they were opened, she looked at me with that twinkle she keeps in her eyes and said, “And just how are you going to keep up with all this stuff?”  Yep.  She was right.  By the end of the year we had a major cleanout and most of it was given back to the thrift store.  With that same $100 I could have purchased one set of high quality books and reaped years of reading, discussion, and brain power.   The children would have been just as  happy.  It is really we parents that train our children’s appetites toward materialism instead of life purpose and usefulness. 

I have thought long and hard about what I can give my children, and my grandchildren.  Recently I saw an estate sale where a grandfather was selling all of his tools, and yet he had a grandson that he was ignoring.   Perhaps one of the greatest thing a grandfather could do for his grandson is to give away all those expensive hammers, saws, staple guns, lawn equipment, etc. to his grandson.  These are such expensive items to acquire and how many young men enter their twenties with a good set of tools?   These would make excellent birthday gifts from the time the grandson was a little boy, saved in a chest for him.  That little boy would know that there was a big job ahead of him to do with all those interesting pieces of hardware waiting for him to use!  Most young men in their twenties have fathers who are still using their own tools, so what a wonderful gift for a young man to enter adulthood fully equipped to do a man’s job due to the benevolence of a grandfather or an older man.

If I had been smarter, I would have anticipated more of the transitions that my children would go through, and I would have prepared them better by buying them smart things when they were young, and I would have disposed of the playtime and playroom mentality and had them work for the future.  I’m glad we changed our thinking midstream in our parenting, so that now my eight year old can think of nothing better than having yarn and crochet hooks.  She has been going around all morning asking her sisters if they have any extras and asking me what she could do about earning money to go buy some. 

Some of my stupidity stemmed from the fact that I was diagnosing the problem correctly …. that the children in our nation are being raised wrong educationally, morally, and financially  …. but I did know exactly what to raise them to.  Materialism tends to fill in that gap but I realized soon that this was the wrong answer.  I remember the day when Karen and Kathy were doing schoolwork and I was watching them deep in thought.  I had this incredible desire that if some young man came after either of these girls in the future, and asked her if she would be willing to live sacrificially and follow him to the ends of the earth to serve our precious Lord, that she would be free from materialism and give him a heartfelt “yes” in reply.  I have hoped similar things for my son.   That when the Lord gives him a calling, that he will be free from the love of money, the love of sports, the love of big ticket hobbies, and the love of power and recognition, and give God a heartfelt “yes” in reply.     I am praying that he will be an arrow shot out of this home at the target.   When arrows come for my daughters and my girls are asked to be the feathers on the tail end, I pray that nothing will hold them back. 

Transitions.  Help me, dear Lord, to be drawn into them, accept them, and embrace change.  Give me your wisdom to equip my children for the transitions of their lives.   Give me the smarts to know ahead of time what I am doing and providing that is not to their benefit and ultimately your glory.

Please note:  Some of the home education catalogs that come to your mailbox and claim to have the answers for you in regard to raising your children, will soon be sending you their catalogs just in time for Christmas purchases.  They market well, their products look lovely, and everyone else has these things in their home.  They promise you the best of everything.  Just remember that Christ is the best of everything.

Here of late we have had a flood of emails from various organizations who propose to have the answers to all of our problems.   I took my nifty computer mouse and clicked on “from” to list all the emails coming from various organizations and I read through several months of their agendas, advertisements, and promises.  It occurred to me that some of their statements included things that only God can promise.

This morning I received another one of these announcements … Read and view our literature and you will have the answers for your future and you will have success!  All for $99.99!   Hurry!  Offer ends today!  (I often count up exclamation points in Christian advice for sale.)

I giggled.

It takes courage to attempt the impossible of trusting in God alone, looking vertically more than searching horizontally.  It takes courage to turn to Him when our own resources run dry instead of running to our fellow man and to our own devices.  What would we think of Moses today if when it was time to part the Red Sea, he had said,

“Why don’t you guys go build a bridge?”

I’ll leave you to think about that the rest of today. 

When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it’s time to step into the darkness o fthe unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen:

Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.

Yesterday my husband and I were talking about my life.  I told him that if I had stayed in the business world it would have been an easy success for me.  He agreed.  It would have taken moderate effort along with my inherited strong work ethic to produce and produce and produce within my giftings and skills.  The business ladder would have been climbed.  My husband has said to me repeatedly that I could have handled a large staff and produced a product that had a wow to it.

Instead, my staff exists of 7 children, a dog, a cat, and some parrots. 

Staying at home has been far more challenging and much less attractive from a personal success point of view.   I review my sphere of governing and I see more failures in what I have done, how I have acted, and how far I have landed from our goals, and at times it is depressing.  And because home educators tend to “brochure” themselves by claiming they have it all together and are entirely successful in their homes, why would I even want to publish this on my blog?

It is because of this.  At the end of the day, when we really get down to the nitty gritty and face up to reality, we find nowhere to go but to God.  Nowhere to go but to His Word.  Nowhere to go but to just Him.  When we get ourselves out of the way, and see Him as completely as we can in this human existence, He is our all in all.

So, in Apollo 13’s words … a successful failure.  Maybe that is what I am.

End of blog.  There is nothing more to say.

We no longer have quiet, controlled van trips.  There is always someone hollering “Bug Car” and someone adding up points.  Kimberly has come up with what she says is the final point system until she decides to add something else – which most likely will be tomorrow.  Here is how our game goes.

Bug Car, any color     10

Yellow Bug Car           50

Convertible Bug         60

Yellow Convertible Bug    110  (add the yellow and the convertible together)

Police Bug Car          50   (this technically is not a police car but a Geek VW from BestBuy)

Smart Car                  80

Limousine                  100

Wasp – no points but you get the points for the next sighting that is seen by anyone.  If there are two wasps in a row, the person who saw the second wasp holds both wasps, and then gets the next sighting times two.  We saw 3 wasps in a row and I saw the last one, so I got to keep them and multiply the next sighting by 3.  This was a point grabber because the next sighting was a yellow bug, therefore 50 x 3 = 150 points.  Emily keeps score with pencil and paper.

A Wasp is a Corvette.  You can tell them by the big round tail lights.

Pink Limousine – You win the game no matter who has whatever points.

And Kimberly’s new rule … if you see a helicopter you win the game.   We asked her why the game was changing to include stuff in the sky.  She giggled and said, “Because I said so.”

James often sends her photos of bug cars when he is out on the road.  He sends them with his blackberry to our home computer.  We tell Kimmy that she has an email.  She giggles and says, “I know.  A Bug Car!”  

I personally think we should add camels to the list.    We saw one of those a few years ago in someone’s back field.

Who would have ever thought that my little butterball, my sweet Emily, would become a beekeeper?

Today Karen and Emily will prepare to split our hive.  It is such a healthy hive, and so overpopulated, that the bees continue to make queen cells to prepare for a swarm.  Queen Elizabeth has been a good mama, and the beekeepers have kept the hive free of pests and disease. 

Queen Victoria should arrive in the mail early next week to take over the second hive. 

Will the splitting of the hive be successful?  We are all in suspense!

Today, our friend, Mr. Roger Harrell Sr., passed away.    We spent this past Thanksgiving at the home of the Harrell Jrs. (Deanna and Roger) and Mr. Harrell Sr. and his wife Julie were there.  I never thought that day that we would lose our friend in the coming year.  We love these people dearly.  If you would like to see our happy Thanksgiving Day, please go to the post of December 3, 2009 here on my blog.  We trust the Lord in this time that He will remind us of His great promises, His victory over death, and His loving sovereignty over all.

This evening James and I took our sweet young friends back to their grandfather’s home after a day of music and playing at our house.  We wanted to give them another “cancer free day” as I call them.  I think it is important for young children to not have to bear the entire brunt of a difficult situation and one of the ways the body of Christ can minister to little ones is to give them “cancer free days.”  So we shared the piano and legos with the boys, played princess with the little girl, fed them lunch and then some homemade chocolate peanut butter cookies for a snack.  We tucked an afternoon rest time in there when an old, old version of Robin Hood was viewed.  Probably made in the 40’s but kids just love that dumb ol’ movie.

When we returned home we compiled lists of things to catch up on, and since it rained last night and today, our yard seemed to have all of a sudden grown up.  James and I walked out to the back field to determine when it will need mowed.  I looked up at the most beautiful sky.   Karen has taught me the lesson that in Texas the landscapes are up, whereas where I am from the landscapes are on the earth.  The clouds were puffy but heavily outlined and the blue gray sky  made the white of the clouds even white-i-er.  That’s when I turned around and saw our house.

Our house.

How thankful I have been for our house. 

Every year we have given this house to God.  It has housed us for all these years very comfortably and far beyond what I could have ever desired.   This house has offered hospitality to over 500 people in the last decade.  Its four walls have been blessed with piano parties, hymn sings, church gatherings, birthday parties, and all kinds of celebrations.  It has housed those needing comforted and those needing protection from criminal activity.  It has baked thousands of cookies, hundreds of cakes, and how many meals I can not count.  I wonder if I could count up how many school days this house has seen or how many ice cream cones have been eaten in the kitchen.

There have been some interesting statistics related to this house and acreage.  Each year we would add up the expenses of living here and they would be less than if we were paying rent on a two bedroom apartment.  There was never anywhere cheaper to go unless we moved so far away that James would have had a 90 minute commute one way.  This amazed me year after year because it has been a nice place to live and yet so cost efficient.  This, in part, was due to careful planning by husband.  And, it never hurts to buy real estate in Texas if one has the cash..  Costs of housing in this state have been considerably less over many years that we have lived here in comparison to almost every other state.

Other statistics come to mind.  It took James 17 hours to stencil the kitchen 17 years ago.  There are 9 mice breaking through the walls upstairs in a stencil motif that is comical, while downstairs wildlife in silhouette grace the stencilled walls of a boy’s room.   Three pianos live in this house along with four sewing machines, seven children, a dog, a cat, and a flock of birds.   There was not a tree or shrub on the land when we bought it.  Most that we have planted were practically dead at local stores and we bought them for pennies and revived them.   A hive of bees now live on the land along with a half dozen wild rabbit nests.  The south side holds an invisible trail that skunks use in the spring.  I could go on and on about this house.

Thank you, God, for this house.

Okay, I can no longer resist sharing our version of this game!!!
 

 
 
My parents taught me how to play this game when I was about 4.  Here are our rules to the very same game.
 
First, we call them Beavers.  A VW Beetle car is a Beaver.  It is worth 1 point.
Red VWs are Beaver-Cleavers and they are worth 5 points.
 
When I was little there were VW vans and those were Otters and worth 10 points.
And red VW vans were Otter-Clotters and worth 25 points.
 
So I introduced this game to my girls about three months ago and now we play it every single time we are in the van.
 
Since Otters and Otter-Clotters are nearly impossible to find now, I added one rather randomly one day.  If we see a golf cart, that is called a Squirrel and it is worth 10 points.  You cannot call Squirrels at golf courses, driving ranges or golf cart “dealerships”.  ;0)

This post has been edited for errors.  Please pardon. 

Yesterday the six girls and I were out running errands and Kimberly, of course, started the Bug Car Game.  She has now developed her own set of rules and point system which is becoming advanced for a six year old.  We now need a score card and pencil to play.  In case you plan on taking a trip, and are looking for a way to pass the time, here is Kimberly’s Bug Car Game Rulebook.

Any sighting must be verified by another person.

Bug Car (VW Beetle) – 10 points

Bug Car Yellow – 50 points

Bug Car Convertible – 100 points

Bug Car Police – 60 points (this is not technically a police car, but a Geek VW Beetle from Best Buy that is black and white, but no one can convince Kimberly that it is not the police)

Smart Car – 60 points

Smart Car Convertible – 120 points

Wasp (Corvette) – no points, but the person who sees it gets the points on the next Bug or Smart Car sighted.  If there are multiple Wasps in a row, then the last Wasp is multiplied by the next Bug or Smart.  So, for example, if there are 3 Wasps in a row, and then the next point car is a Bug Car Yellow, 150 points go to the last person to see a Wasp.

Limosine – the game is over and whoever saw the Limo wins.

Car dealer lots are disqualified.

Last minute rules by Dad are ignored.  We were out with Daddy today, he saw a Roadster and said it was worth 1000 points.  Kimberly said absolutely not.