Part Two

5/12/2007

Over the past 15 years my husband has steadily walked toward the goal of being a godly patriarch in our home and he has been successful in many ways.  We both realize that this has been the hand of God and nothing that either of us can claim credit.  There have been three things that he did for me during this time that have made it easier for me to follow the Lord and him. These actions have restored our marriage, they have helped me turn my heart to the Lord, and they have helped me be a better mother.

The first thing James did that turned our home around was that he made the Bible the center of our lives.  This means that he established family worship in our home on a daily basis.  This means that as decisions have had to be made he has endeavored to make them with a biblical basis.  This means that he has personally read the Bible through time and time again and he has listened to it year after year during his commute to and from work.  As he has immersed himself in the scriptures and shown such a love for them, it has helped me in turn want to do the same and it has exposed our children to the absolutely foundational idea that the Bible regulates all of life.  This brings much stability, hope, and comfort into our lives. 

The second thing James did that turned our marriage around happened soon after he put the scriptures first in his life.  He established a weekly meeting time with me when I could bring any problem, concern, idea or worry to the marriage table and he was ready with notebook in hand as he jotted these things down.  He either solved them on the spot, or committed to putting time and attention to them and would get back with me the next week.  He was serious about leading his wife and children.  Many years later the notebook has turned into a laptop computer, but he has the pulse of his home flowing through him.   He takes on responsibility and does not belittle my concerns.   Whether it is a home repair, an issue with our children, choosing curriculum, planning for the future, fears and worries I have, or a request for an evening out, he tries to be right on top of it.  To know that I have a certain avenue of appeal on a regular weekly basis has built our marriage from the ground up.  To know that he is shepherding my heart makes it so much easier to follow what God is calling him to do.

The third thing James did for me that brought great reward to our marriage happened about a year after he established our weekly meeting.  He laid aside things that would feed worldly appetites or would consume his time in order to put our home first.  I will never forget the day when I realized what this meant.  We had visitors to our home who had recently pursued golfing, as had other friends and his extended family.  It seemed to me that everyone was purchasing custom made clubs and  sharpening their skills.   Visitors assumed that the thing to do would be to have the guys go out and golf and the ladies find some other form of entertainment.  I asked James why he was not following.  Perhaps he did not care for the sport? 

His reply sticks with me to this day.  No, he would not take up golfing.  Sure, he would love to do it and enjoyed the games that he had played with family and friends.  In fact, he could get really into it but golfing would consume finances and time and attention.  He wanted to spend time with me and have a relationship with me, not a golfing game.  He saw a greater goal of spending time with his children and passing on the Christian faith to them.  He would lay aside a worldly appetite for the people he desired to love and lead.

There have been many things over the years that I have seen my husband walk away from that he would have thoroughly enjoyed.  Golf was not the hardest.  Musical pursuits were.   And just today he told me how he is planning to cut back on computer time so that he can pursue things of more value.  I know these things have not been easy for him.

So, that is The Heart Story.  I pray that Christian wives across our nation will give their hearts to their husbands.  And that children will give their hearts to their parents.  And that God will give Christian fathers and husbands the courage to build strong families by actively leading in the home and putting aside those things that deter them from spending time with their families.  Our family has a long way to go, but I am grateful to the Lord in these three things that He enabled James to do to win my heart.  It makes it a whole lot easier to follow.

Part One

5/10/2007

Having so many wonderful children traveling with me when I am out and about brings about interesting responses from those we meet.  Typically I am asked, “Are they ALL yours?”  to which I reply yes they are all OURS (not just mine) as my husband and I have been married twenty five years and they belong to both of us.  I know that answer slightly changes the subject from the original intent of the question, but it is helpful in changing the thinking of the questioner from the quantity of children to the fruitfulness of marriage and it eliminates a common assumption that the children were acquired through divorce and remarriage.  The other statement that frequently comes up, and said in a negative tone, is “Boy, your hands must be full.”  When someone says that, they are in for an answer of paragraph length that goes something like this …”Oh, yes, my hands are full, but so is my heart.  We LOVE children just like God loves His children.  Has anyone ever told you about how you can become a child of God?  Has anyone ever told you why it is important to be in a right relationship with God?” And so forth.  It’s like an instant door to evangelism when that one happens. 

Yet the most unnerving situation was brought to bear upon me after the birth of our sixth child.  The children and I did something not usual to our normal outings.  We stopped at one of those burger places with the indoor playgrounds to have a few milkshakes and let the younger ones enjoy themselves since it was raining outside and the park was not suitable for play.  As the older children and I sat chatting, in walked a camera crew with a video camera.  This group of women watched the room for several minutes and then came over to me asking me if ALL of these children were mine.  (“Yes, they are OURS.”)  This camera crew was making a movie to be shown at their friend’s baby shower, first baby in fact, and they were collecting advice from mothers to be shown at this shower which was expected to be a rather large occasion.  They said that with so many children I certainly had to do this.

HAD to do this?  It was a bad hair day with the rain, I was tired from all the errands we had just accomplished, and my mouth went dry regardless of the milkshake.  This was worse than Candid Camera.  My heart started thumping and my brain canvassed the empty warehouse in my mind of what I could possibly say to a new mother that would last for eternity.   As they centered the camera on my face, I swallowed hard when it hit me. 

This was not about me as a mother.  This was about us.  James and me.  Us.   

So I said something like this to the new mother and the attendees at her shower as the camera rolled… “Mothers desire the best for their children and they yearn to keep the hearts of their children in such a way that there is tenderness in the mother-child relationship, honesty, and bonding.  A forever friendship.  If you want to have the heart of this child and keep it through its infancy, toddler hood, and the elementary and teen years, then there is one key to doing that.  You have to give your heart to your husband.  It is the sweetness of the yielded heart of a wife to her husband that sets the tone for the home and demonstrates to her children what she desires for them to do.  The first thing a mother must contemplate is how completely and in what ways she can give her heart to her husband.”

I stopped.  The camera stopped.  The film crew of young twenty-something moms did not say anything for what seemed years. I waited.  They seemed stunned.  Maybe they were expecting advice on diapers, or how to get a baby to sleep through the night, or some other tidbit.  I waited.  Then they started talking about what I said and asked me about it.  So again, here was another opportunity to shed some light in our world that knows not God and His ways.  I did not have all the answers and still don’t.  I do know, though, that the thought that came to my mind that day was true in so many ways.  And if there is one area that I struggle with repeatedly, it is in keeping my heart in right relationship with God and with my husband. 

That brings me to today.  I am exceedingly thankful that my husband did three things over the years that won my heart.  And it’s not that I should withhold my heart from him depending on what he does or does not do.  It’s just that it is so sweet to me that he has done some very special things to win this heart of mine.  These three things have made it a whole lot easier to follow him through the years.  Really follow.  The kind of following where sometimes it’s a pretty hard thing to do. I’ll share those three things he did for me in Part Two.