During this time of resting and refreshment, I have given considerable thought to what it means to follow my husband.   I’ve thought about it off and on throughout the day, I’ve woken in the night to consider it, and at the oddest moments I ponder it.   A most peculiar thought came to me one evening as I was mentally recalling R.C. Sproul’s series on understanding the Bible through existential treatment.  I got the idea that perhaps I could go through scripture and existentially put myself in the role of married women and see what it was like for each of them to follow their husbands.  I could write a book on this with all of the details of many women in the Bible, but here are just a few to consider. 

Think of being Mrs. Noah.  I wonder if she ever doubted Mr. Noah and his ship building plan and predictions of rain which had never been seen before on the face of earth.  Imagine how much her husband was scoffed at, maybe to the point where Mrs. Noah preferred to avoid public situations.  She may have dreaded finding out if he really knew what he was doing.  I wonder how it was to board the ark and take a pretty dramatic boat trip with many passengers on board that depended upon her family for sustenance and care.  Did she get seasick?  I’ve been out in the Atlantic Ocean on a boat and I know what seasick is.  She must at that time been somewhat relieved she had followed her husband as she saw her family saved from death.  Yet not long after such a great event, Mr. Noah becomes drunk and is out of control.  So she follows a first-time ship builder who does better on sea than afterwards on land. 

But, perhaps Mrs. Noah knew her calling as the captain’s wife and so she was anchored in that calling.  Her husband did not run away from the danger of the day, and neither did she.

Think of being Mrs. Moses.  She didn’t quite sign up for wilderness training when she said “I do.”  And she married a murderer.  She thinks they are going to have a nice country home near the sheep.  Instead, off he goes to Egypt to free the Israelites from slavery or we could even say pretty severe marshall law.  Her husband does not stay in the safe countryside but launches an attack on a nasty government.  Did she think he was crazy or what?  When he finally meets with the success of the exodus,  he ends up with a grumpy nation of people who wander in the wilderness and don’t make it to the Promised Land.  And along the way, her Knight in Shining Armor displeases God and he never gets into the Land of Milk and Honey either.  So she marries an ex-con who appears to be a shepherd but in reality is a political activist who ends up living as a nomad for the rest of his life.  And if she was alive at his death, she’s not even sure of where he was buried.

But, perhaps Mrs. Moses knew her calling as the political activist’s wife and so she rallied to that calling.  Her husband did not run away from the challenge of the day, and neither did she.

Think of being Mrs. Peter.  Now there’s a story to tell, but we’ll start near the end.  Her husband gets the honors of preaching the first big sermon in the New Testament, actually we could say he was the Keynote Speaker of the Church Age that had just opened.  He also does a whole bunch of phenomenal miracles, but shortly after ends up in real big trouble that throws him in jail.  He gets out of jail without a Monopoly card, but rather a miraculous jailbreak and takes on Phase I of the Church.  Well, that’s quite prestigious.  Not too long after that Mr. Peter receives a stern public rebuke from the Apostle Paul, who excels in theology and knowledge, because Mr. Peter is really out of line.   This is somewhat of an embarrassment as her husband in a sense was the first bishop of the Church.  So she marries a guy who wins and loses rather quickly.

But, perhaps Mrs. Peter knew her calling as the bishop’s wife and so she stood firm in that calling.  Her husband did not run away from the volatile political and church climate of the day and neither did she. 

Well, you get the idea.  I thought about the Misters of the Bible and smiled at the women who married them and followed to the ends of the earth, or the high seas as in Mrs. Noah’s case.  Not one of the Misters was perfect.  But each was called of God.

When Jesus called out his disciples and said, “Follow me and I will make you fishers of men,” it was a great privilege.  So when I find myself married to a husband that has been called out to specifically be a fisher of men, and I’m following him carefully, then I also follow Christ.

Perhaps you are a Mrs. UnSaved Husband, or Mrs. Passionate about a Vocation, or Mrs. Christian Service, Or Mrs. Physical Handicap, or Mrs. You Fill in the Blank.  I encourage you not to run away.

I’m glad that up to this point I haven’t had to take a year long boat ride …or take basic training to survive a desert …or pray my husband out of jail.  The question is: will I follow no matter what?  And if I am following, what is the character of my following?  Is it duty or delight?  Drudgery or diligence?  Dread or determination?  I hope I am delighted, diligent, and determined.  There is much yet to ponder.

From my reading of the New Testament.    (I can’t keep up with James at all – he’s two books ahead.)

Luke 7:41f  There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.  And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both.  Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?

Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most.  And He said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.

Verse 47 … Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.

It has been pointed out to me repetitively how rotten a sinner I am.  All I can say is that I am forgiven much and I love my Saviour all the more.  And it is entirely comforting to me that no matter how bad I am, that God guarantees my sanctification.  It is promised.  No one can steal it from me.  And if He authors my sanctification, then He is the one who makes out the agenda of how it will happen. 

Philippians 1:6  Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

Sometimes Christian people just pick away at each other.  Sheep eating sheep is what R.C. Sproul calls it.  As I think about it,  I really don’t care if I get everything little thing perfectly right.  I don’t care if I get the important seat at the table because I am just simply overcome with gratitude that I am invited to the dinner.   In fact, I wonder how much witness perfect people have.  They have nothing to give anyone.  They have earned everything.   They are in the driver’s seat of choice.  

I think it is the other way around.  The God of the Universe has chosen.  And He has chosen sinners.  And I should love Him all the more for it.

In my files I have this written down that I read somewhere.  It has been food for thought for me.

“How does one suddenly receive something so wonderful that has nothing to do whatsoever with performance?  This reverse nature of the gospel is one of the simplest arguments for the validity of Christianity: no human being would have ever thought this one up.  Even if you wanted to contribute to your righteousness, you couldn’t. 

The giving of thanks is the only logical response one can have to a forgiveness and a holiness that are totally undeserved. ”

Isn’t the Gospel precious?

Oh, how I enjoy finishing up projects!  Things that drag on open ended for a long time tend to drag me down.  One of the blessings of a season of rest is that I am completing projects and getting back into the planning routine.  Overall it has been my experience that little or no planning produces little or nothing.  The past few weeks I have gone back to the drawing board and prayerfully have redesigned some critical elements in our home.  Things are beginning to take shape.

Giving all thanks to God for His strength in completing tasks, we are finishing up our “school year” if that is what you call it.  We school year round so at times it is hard to know when something starts or stops, but right now quite a few things are stopping and in a few weeks even more things are starting.  For a while I had been wondering if we were making any progress, but this week the puzzle pieces fell into place and for this I am grateful to the Lord for sustaining us over the past 18 months.  This week my children are finishing their math books and actually doing well.  I am not a math person, but have through God’s grace kept the math lessons regular.  That has paid off and my children are looking forward to their new books!  What?  Looking forward to math books?  Now that’s a first in the Spangler household.

Having finished a complete cycle of medieval history in early spring, we took three months off of our history timeline to do A Child’s Geography by Ann Voskamp.   This was a unit study for all seven children and we will complete the last lesson tomorrow.  I highly recommend this curriculum.  The lessons are interesting to a wide spread of ages and the application of each chapter is to World Missions so my children are looking beyond their own small world and considering the vast regions where Christ is not known.  Karen has been my impromptu helper since she is a science and history buff.  And our poor globe has been of much assistance.  I say poor because it is falling apart at the equator.  Literally has pulled apart that we can slip something inside of it.  We really could use a new one so that is something to look into.  We have ordered the Bible Geography by the same author and are going to use it with our Bible reading plan.

Kathy is aiding me on the dollhouse project.  Emily’s is now ready for interior decoration and Annie’s almost has the roof done.  Each shingle has been hand stained and then glued one by one, some being cut at odd angles to accommodate the front dormer.  With Kathy’s help I hope to move quickly on getting these houses down to one small project table. 

James and I have discussed each of the children and what they should be learning and doing over the next year.  Typed out sheets hold these goals for each child, materials have been ordered, and I look forward to sharpening a new pack of pencils.  There are goals that are not strictly academic and I am thinking through how we might achieve these, knowing that it is really the Holy Spirit that affects character change in any of us.

At the center of my thoughts is what am I supposed to be doing-thinking-being-improving.  I do not think it is selfish to spend some time on the island.  Or should I say “I Land” because what I am doing and how I am obeying is important.  Oh, for the grace of God to shine upon my life that I would walk more like Him daily!

Sometimes I get bogged down in the needs.  Right now we have several significant needs and something that I admire in James is how he rests in God’s Sovereignty.  Each night when I lay my head on the pillow I remind the Lord of these needs and then purpose to trust Him even though I can not see any supply channels coming our way in any of these needs.

This month has been a journey through Optic Land as Emily has proceeded through four appointments (so far – more to come) and is now wearing a contact lens in her coloboma eye.  She is seeing well and we are waiting to see if she will need prism glasses in addition to the contact.  Because her brain is training itself with the contact lens, it is still undetermined, but I am hopeful that it will be just a lens and not the additional glasses.  I myself can not choose which eye to look out of, ignoring the other as blind, as Emily can.  She claims that she is seeing more each day with both eyes working together.  God has amply provided for the special contact lens.  It not only is a special prescription and type, but it is also tinted in a way that masks most of the coloboma.  The doctor instructed me to look at it under the microscope while it was in her eye and it was the most amazing thing – looked like a piece of fabric with a multitude of colors in it.  The doctor is still ordering other colors until he is satisfied that it is the closest match.  We have also ordered glasses for when the contact is not being used.  All of this costs a fortune so it has been an encouragement to me that at this point we have only paid a small amount because of the diligence of the doctor to petition our vision insurance company.  Emily is entirely pleased.

Years ago I wore contact lenses when my vision allowed it so I was pretty confident that I would be able to help Emily in the early stages of putting it in and pulling it out.  Ha!  I have to laugh at myself.  I was competent in doing it myself, but found myself entirely frustrated in her learning to do it. 

So now I know two things that about drive me wild when working with a student:  putting in contact lenses and learning to sew.  For some reason I just want to just do it myself for them in either of these tasks.  Because the contact is quite a bit larger than Emily’s iris, it takes skill in placing it in the eye and then sliding it upward.  Her eye does not even open wide enough to just plop it in there.  When you consider that the contact sometimes flips inside out or just does not want to stick on the eye at times, well it was just frustrating.  I am happy to report that she is independent in putting it in and our mornings are filled with a happy Emily and a happy Mommy.   

I am entirely thankful for what the Lord is doing in my life right now.  I have had several good nights of sleep, we had a terrific library trip today, and we found that we could get drinks and lunch for all for $9 at a local quickmart.  We took a country drive home with lunch in our laps and library books scattered everywhere.  My guess is that we took out 150 books/CDs/DVDs.  I was blessed that the librarians were blessed with us at checkout because we were respectful and helpful – and they identified us verbally as Christian homeschoolers.   They said that they have about had it with kids today and the disrespect given to the facility and the staff.   That is a sad comment when the staff is there to serve us.  Sometimes I think we are failing miserably in character training and then something like this happens and I have a little hope that we are becoming more like Christ.

My greatest challenge this week is to keep my heart in neutral right now concerning what God’s will is for us in a certain area that James is pursuing.  I keep reminding myself that God will lead me through James and that I can just rest in this and keep my thoughts on what I am supposed to be doing at home.  To be honest, it is hard.  Sometimes I want to pester my husband about the decision making process and the timetable and a bunch of other things.  I am learning to keep quiet and just pray and leave it at that.  For a while I was neutral over the decision, but now I have a desire that is making it hard to stay in neutral.

Finally, how thankful I am that James has finished his Continuing Professional Education for his CPA license.  Each year he takes 40 hours to keep his license.  This year it was quite a bit of work, and because he has had a stressful year, he was far behind.  Over the past two weeks he has worked his normal job and completed the CPE.  I am happy to report that the hours were mailed to the Texas Society of CPAs this morning and he is up to date. 

We’ve taken some country drives.  The Texas prairies and ridges are just gorgeous after the spring rains.  The wildflowers and crepe myrtles are in bloom.  It is a lovely time in Texas and I am thankful for the abundant blessings from our Lord.

Psalm 16:7-11

I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.
I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.
Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

My life has been rearranged so that I am in a season of rest.  Since the summer of 2007 our workload and concerns have steadily increased and the toll on emotional and physical health has finally rung in.   I am grateful that in times like these I can go back to the scriptures and surround myself with their instruction, comfort, and their rest.  Yes, their rest.  And certainly part of that rest is what Psalm 16 says … we rest in hope. 

Even as I write this post on June 6th, my husband has gone to work in the wee hours of the morning and will work on Saturday.  It was a year ago, this very week, that he was oh-so-ever sick that lasted well into October.  Since that time he has slowly recovered and at the same time his workload and burdens have increased exponentially.   And the last five months have been killer months.  His employment as a manager for an international accounting software product has stepped up the pace as they are moving into a new edition that increases the language base for the users.  As a CPA, the spring months of March, April, and May are super busy as he helps with tax returns-advice-planning for others in the evening hours.  Even today, June 6th, there are several extended returns waiting completion.  He’s just been a very busy man with people calling him from all directions.  His greatest burden has been the desire to see church plants across this huge city to meet the spiritual needs of North Texas and he has invested fifteen to thirty hours per week in that area.  All of these things trickle down into our home, in fact I would say that it seeps into all kinds of cracks in our lives, eventually weighing things down. 

One of the trickle-downs is that this year several physical maladies creeped into my life, well OK they actually stormed in a little faster than I would have liked.  By February I was losing thirty percent of a month to being physically dysfunctional in my home, without counting more time lost to emotional stress.   And last to go was intellectual function as I can not recall whether or not I have replied to emails, what replies I sent to emails if I did send them, homeschool academics that usually energize me fizzle me, and I just realized that I am scheduled to walk a large field with my friend today and I never did purchase shoes (not sandals) for these kinds of activities although my last pair of shoes were thrown out in January.  Even yesterday I walked out of a store empty handed because I could not decide which purse was the right one since my old one is falling apart.  And this was a fantastic sale – the kind where leather is reduced from $110 to $20.  Surely my brain has short circuited.  The most intense brain activity I want to engage in is coloring with my little ones.  Maybe play-do comes first.

This is not a woe-is-me story.  Funny how people think that the description of a problem falls in that category.  It is not.  A walk from Genesis to Revelation is one problem after another since the fruit was eaten.  And a good reading of the Psalms reveals praise interwoven with personal identification of the Woes.  Capital letter Woes.  Problems like these beg us to take a step out of the box and go to the scriptures for diagnosis and instruction and walk forth.  

Psalm 37:5-7

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

My husband has set aside several seasons of rest for our family that will travel over many months and we are hopeful that my health will be restored and that we will have spiritual, emotional, and intellectual recharge.  There are several things that James has prescribed for us that we have barely put a dent in doing, but already are experiencing relief.  (Yes, one of his prescriptions is smoothie kefir. )   Together we are reading through the New Testament during the month of June.  As a family, we are brainstorming the answers to a several hundred question Bible test which is something our children think is fun.  And we are re-establishing sleep patterns, knowing that our personal health a decade from now depends heavily on this.  Twice I have taken the children swimming, thanks to the invitation from a friend.  A year’s worth of photos have been chosen to have printed for a scrapbooking/photo album day scheduled for this month – something my children enjoy.  I am playing games with my children once more, by-passing chess due to low brain energy, but enjoying Candy Land with Kimberly.   James is back as the superintendent of home-school with a very good set of plans taking shape, and together we are laying burdens at the foot of the Cross and leaving them there.   A dozen other things are in the prescription; the greatest being prayer and confession and praise.  The second greatest is forgiveness.  Third place goes to erasing expectations that are not God-given.  Fourth is patient Providential-dependent waiting on our deepest desires.

There are topics that I may journal about during this time and I am learning much just from being hemmed in.  Years ago a friend loaned me an out-of-print copy of a book written by an invalid.  Although I am not an invalid and can not pretend to understand what that entails, I have appreciated the author’s perspective.  She saw the problems and trials as thorn bushes around her that grew tall so that she could only look up.  And when she looked up she saw her Saviour God.  There is no better place to gaze. 

Psalm 104:34

My meditation of him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the LORD.