Raising daughters in today’s world is quite challenging.  Our society’s “one size fits all” education gives no room for training girls towards beautiful womanhood as described in those great passages in the scriptures.  (Proverbs 31, Titus 2, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, I Timothy 5, and I Peter 3) 

A little girl’s education begins before birth as her parents mature in understanding the direction they should lead their newborn child.  After her birth, the path begins.  Since we have just completed a year of education for our two (now three) year old daughter who is the sixth daughter we have been given to raise, I thought it would be a good idea to record the basic resources we used to do this.  In the spirit of Titus 2 (older women teaching younger) our little girl had the privilege this past year of having her two older sisters, ages 18 and 20, teach most of her pre-school.  This created bonds that I hope will last a lifetime so that when I am no longer on this earth they will care for each other deeply.  This also has given the older girls confidence that they can educate their own children if God blesses them that way in the future. 

I will be linking to the basic framework that we accomplished with our small daughter at the end of this article.  Our daughter was exposed to other things in our home since she is the seventh child, but I compiled just those resources that would help a new mother who has not educated a daughter to use.  There are also several other items I would like to mention about this list. 

1. It would appear by reading the list that the Bible is not important to the curriculum.  I did not detail the fact that each morning I spend an hour with my children teaching Bible and character.  This is a non-negotiable item in our day that includes reading and discussing the Bible, singing from the hymnal, memorizing verses, reading character stories, and so forth.  Other things may fall by the wayside, but this is regularly achieved and considered as important as making breakfast and doing the laundry.  Each evening my husband holds family worship.  As we use other curriculums and books throughout the day, we have the goal of tying everything back to the scriptures.  We have set aside an evening per week when we do projects just for girls and have a girls’ prayer time.  You will note on the compiled list that there is mention only of the Bible and not Bible story books.  Over the years we have tried numerous Bible storybooks but have been disappointed that either the stories were written inaccurately, the stories were written from a sloppy theological framework, the stories were superimposed with our culture and ideas, or the illustrations were wrong.   This is particularly true of what is available in Christian bookstores today.  Our little ones have heard the King James Bible read to them since birth and we have explained the stories or simplified them on the spot while we have held the Bible in our laps.   We prefer not to view pictures of Christ so we have chosen to put just the words in front of our little ones.  Several of our children have wanted to learn to read at a young age for the purpose of being able to read the Bible.

1. Modern art, literature and music reflect the religion of our culture which does not recognize God.  We attempt to find literature, music, illustrated storybooks, and art that reflect beauty and order.  Each time I review a book to purchase for my young child, I ask…. Is this beautiful?  Is it orderly?   Or is it silly, worldly, disjointed, or a distortion of reality? What is the purpose behind this resource?  We also try to choose things that reflect a high level of artistry and craftsmanship.  This eliminates most of the current books and music marketed for children.  Even homeschool curriculum has bought into the “kid and teen look and sound” that is dumbing down our minds, our appetites and our senses.

1. The best thing to do for a little girl is to stay at home as much as possible.  It develops in her a love for home that she will need when she is a wife and mother someday.  Staying at home means she is learning patterns of home life that will serve her the rest of her life.  It teaches contentment.  She will be able to serve her father and brothers from the time she is very little.  Every time we outsource a home task, we have one less opportunity to pattern our daughters in home living.  An example of this is eating out at restaurants.  Although that can be a wonderful treat from time to time, staying home and preparing meals is a wonderful privilege to hand to our daughters.  Two year old girls can set out the spoons, stir the muffins, and put out the salt shaker.  A daughter raised with a mother who enjoys home living skills is preparing for her entire life.  That daughter will always be taking care of someone, nurturing and loving others as God gave women the instinct and skills to do.

1. The way we go about dressing our little girls trains them in how they will perceive feminine modesty and beauty for the rest of their lives.   They will acquire an appetite for styles of dress and they will establish a sense of what is comfortable and what is not, even at an early age.  More importantly, they acquire a sense of modesty.  A good tip is to visualize what an adult woman should look like when dressed for church that is modest and feminine and then apply it to the other six days of the week.  The fabric may change, but the style and the modesty does not.  There are many ways to adapt that into children’s clothing – bright colors, bows, ribbons, fun fabrics, and so forth.  Still, keep in mind how you want her to dress when she is twenty and what will symbolize her purity and goodness.  We are also fortunate that there are swimwear companies that are now offering modest suits such as Wholesome Wear, and pattern companies producing riding skirts for horseback, and so forth so that we can enjoy many activities and yet retain feminine loveliness.

Having said these things, here is “A Little Girl’s Education.”   Now I can go cry that there are no two years olds living in this house.  I have absolutely loved the two year old year with all of my children.  If you have a two or three year old, count your blessings.  Go grab that little one and kiss her/him.

Part Two

5/12/2007

Over the past 15 years my husband has steadily walked toward the goal of being a godly patriarch in our home and he has been successful in many ways.  We both realize that this has been the hand of God and nothing that either of us can claim credit.  There have been three things that he did for me during this time that have made it easier for me to follow the Lord and him. These actions have restored our marriage, they have helped me turn my heart to the Lord, and they have helped me be a better mother.

The first thing James did that turned our home around was that he made the Bible the center of our lives.  This means that he established family worship in our home on a daily basis.  This means that as decisions have had to be made he has endeavored to make them with a biblical basis.  This means that he has personally read the Bible through time and time again and he has listened to it year after year during his commute to and from work.  As he has immersed himself in the scriptures and shown such a love for them, it has helped me in turn want to do the same and it has exposed our children to the absolutely foundational idea that the Bible regulates all of life.  This brings much stability, hope, and comfort into our lives. 

The second thing James did that turned our marriage around happened soon after he put the scriptures first in his life.  He established a weekly meeting time with me when I could bring any problem, concern, idea or worry to the marriage table and he was ready with notebook in hand as he jotted these things down.  He either solved them on the spot, or committed to putting time and attention to them and would get back with me the next week.  He was serious about leading his wife and children.  Many years later the notebook has turned into a laptop computer, but he has the pulse of his home flowing through him.   He takes on responsibility and does not belittle my concerns.   Whether it is a home repair, an issue with our children, choosing curriculum, planning for the future, fears and worries I have, or a request for an evening out, he tries to be right on top of it.  To know that I have a certain avenue of appeal on a regular weekly basis has built our marriage from the ground up.  To know that he is shepherding my heart makes it so much easier to follow what God is calling him to do.

The third thing James did for me that brought great reward to our marriage happened about a year after he established our weekly meeting.  He laid aside things that would feed worldly appetites or would consume his time in order to put our home first.  I will never forget the day when I realized what this meant.  We had visitors to our home who had recently pursued golfing, as had other friends and his extended family.  It seemed to me that everyone was purchasing custom made clubs and  sharpening their skills.   Visitors assumed that the thing to do would be to have the guys go out and golf and the ladies find some other form of entertainment.  I asked James why he was not following.  Perhaps he did not care for the sport? 

His reply sticks with me to this day.  No, he would not take up golfing.  Sure, he would love to do it and enjoyed the games that he had played with family and friends.  In fact, he could get really into it but golfing would consume finances and time and attention.  He wanted to spend time with me and have a relationship with me, not a golfing game.  He saw a greater goal of spending time with his children and passing on the Christian faith to them.  He would lay aside a worldly appetite for the people he desired to love and lead.

There have been many things over the years that I have seen my husband walk away from that he would have thoroughly enjoyed.  Golf was not the hardest.  Musical pursuits were.   And just today he told me how he is planning to cut back on computer time so that he can pursue things of more value.  I know these things have not been easy for him.

So, that is The Heart Story.  I pray that Christian wives across our nation will give their hearts to their husbands.  And that children will give their hearts to their parents.  And that God will give Christian fathers and husbands the courage to build strong families by actively leading in the home and putting aside those things that deter them from spending time with their families.  Our family has a long way to go, but I am grateful to the Lord in these three things that He enabled James to do to win my heart.  It makes it a whole lot easier to follow.

Part One

5/10/2007

Having so many wonderful children traveling with me when I am out and about brings about interesting responses from those we meet.  Typically I am asked, “Are they ALL yours?”  to which I reply yes they are all OURS (not just mine) as my husband and I have been married twenty five years and they belong to both of us.  I know that answer slightly changes the subject from the original intent of the question, but it is helpful in changing the thinking of the questioner from the quantity of children to the fruitfulness of marriage and it eliminates a common assumption that the children were acquired through divorce and remarriage.  The other statement that frequently comes up, and said in a negative tone, is “Boy, your hands must be full.”  When someone says that, they are in for an answer of paragraph length that goes something like this …”Oh, yes, my hands are full, but so is my heart.  We LOVE children just like God loves His children.  Has anyone ever told you about how you can become a child of God?  Has anyone ever told you why it is important to be in a right relationship with God?” And so forth.  It’s like an instant door to evangelism when that one happens. 

Yet the most unnerving situation was brought to bear upon me after the birth of our sixth child.  The children and I did something not usual to our normal outings.  We stopped at one of those burger places with the indoor playgrounds to have a few milkshakes and let the younger ones enjoy themselves since it was raining outside and the park was not suitable for play.  As the older children and I sat chatting, in walked a camera crew with a video camera.  This group of women watched the room for several minutes and then came over to me asking me if ALL of these children were mine.  (“Yes, they are OURS.”)  This camera crew was making a movie to be shown at their friend’s baby shower, first baby in fact, and they were collecting advice from mothers to be shown at this shower which was expected to be a rather large occasion.  They said that with so many children I certainly had to do this.

HAD to do this?  It was a bad hair day with the rain, I was tired from all the errands we had just accomplished, and my mouth went dry regardless of the milkshake.  This was worse than Candid Camera.  My heart started thumping and my brain canvassed the empty warehouse in my mind of what I could possibly say to a new mother that would last for eternity.   As they centered the camera on my face, I swallowed hard when it hit me. 

This was not about me as a mother.  This was about us.  James and me.  Us.   

So I said something like this to the new mother and the attendees at her shower as the camera rolled… “Mothers desire the best for their children and they yearn to keep the hearts of their children in such a way that there is tenderness in the mother-child relationship, honesty, and bonding.  A forever friendship.  If you want to have the heart of this child and keep it through its infancy, toddler hood, and the elementary and teen years, then there is one key to doing that.  You have to give your heart to your husband.  It is the sweetness of the yielded heart of a wife to her husband that sets the tone for the home and demonstrates to her children what she desires for them to do.  The first thing a mother must contemplate is how completely and in what ways she can give her heart to her husband.”

I stopped.  The camera stopped.  The film crew of young twenty-something moms did not say anything for what seemed years. I waited.  They seemed stunned.  Maybe they were expecting advice on diapers, or how to get a baby to sleep through the night, or some other tidbit.  I waited.  Then they started talking about what I said and asked me about it.  So again, here was another opportunity to shed some light in our world that knows not God and His ways.  I did not have all the answers and still don’t.  I do know, though, that the thought that came to my mind that day was true in so many ways.  And if there is one area that I struggle with repeatedly, it is in keeping my heart in right relationship with God and with my husband. 

That brings me to today.  I am exceedingly thankful that my husband did three things over the years that won my heart.  And it’s not that I should withhold my heart from him depending on what he does or does not do.  It’s just that it is so sweet to me that he has done some very special things to win this heart of mine.  These three things have made it a whole lot easier to follow him through the years.  Really follow.  The kind of following where sometimes it’s a pretty hard thing to do. I’ll share those three things he did for me in Part Two.