Hearts Garden
My heart is a garden where thought flowers grow.
The thoughts that I think are the seeds that I sow.
Every kind loving thought bears a kind loving deed,
And a thought that is selfish is just like a weed.
So I must watch what I think each minute each day,
Pull out the weed thoughts and throw them away,
And plant loving seed thoughts so thick in a row,
There will not be room for weed thoughts to grow.
                                         By Katherine Merrill

Today I have thought good thoughts about everyone I know.  And I mean everyone.

This year has been the worst season for our blackberry bushes.   We’ve raised blackberry bushes for seventeen years, but I’m not sure what went wrong this year.  We had plenty of rain, no disease or pest, and many blossoms.  Today I went out to inspect the last of the dead branches and will have to do some research to determine what went wrong.  We did not have any pie or cobbler – the first time on our little plot of prairie land.

In my New Testament reading I came across the short parable in Luke 13 that reminded me of spiritual fruit bearing.  As I have spent much time in reflection over the past month, I see the last three years of my life (verse 7) as a time when I have failed to bring forth fruit as I should have.  My only hope is that with God’s cultivating help I will do better.  I have asked Him to put His perimeters around me even if they are pruning shears and His foundation under me.  I have also considered the fact that when I see others struggling to bear fruit, that the first thing I should not do is judge them privately to myself or to my husband, but rather ask myself if I am a contributing factor to their lack of fruit bearing.  In fact, I may be the sole reason as to why they are struggling, but I can’t see it because I have not asked them. 

6  He spake also this parable; A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came and sought fruit thereon, and found none.
7  Then said he unto the dresser of his vineyard, Behold, these three years I come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and find none: cut it down; why cumbereth it the ground?
8  And he answering said unto him, Lord, let it alone this year also, till I shall dig about it, and dung it:
9  And if it bear fruit, well: and if not, then after that thou shalt cut it down.

Things are humming along at our house.   The past week has been full of loving on Kimberly, as she broke her collarbone.  Here she is under a big blue ice pack.  I saw her fall and you know how it is for mothers.  I am convinced it happened in slow motion.  The kind where the brain says “Oh no” a million times before the event is complete.  If I had not seen it, it would have happened in real time. 

She was absolutely precious after the fall.  “I’m OK.  I’m OK, Mom.  I’m OK.”  All said while she was crying her eyes out.  I think she was trying to convince both of us that she was OK.  Perhaps a warning should come from recliner manufacturers that says on the tag:  Warning: A fully reclined recliner that is rapidly closed while your child is gingerly balanced on the foot rest may potentially catapult your child several feet up into the air, enabling a catastrophic fall with the clavicle reaching the floor first.   Or maybe it could simply say, This chair has thrust.  Somewhere in the recesses of my brain I recall ejector chairs either in science fiction or on space craft or somewhere.  I just did not know that we bought one for our living room. 

She now knows how to say clavicle and looks rather cute in her navy blue sling.  Popsicles are the comfort food of choice.  Broken collarbones are the most common breaks in children, so to think we have lived through 23 years of parenting and waited until our little caboose was five must mean that we have missed out on at least one of the common experiences of child raising.  Until now.

Also in the mix are three birthdays in a ten day span.  One down, two to go, and then fireworks for the Fourth of July.  We also have a day trip to an alpaca farm scheduled for these girls who are into fiber and spinning.

The temperature outside indicates that it is truly summer here on the prairie.  From J.R. Miller:  “Our days are like beautiful summer fields as God gives them to us.  The minutes are blooming flowers and silvery grassblades and stalks of wheat with their germs of golden grains.  The hours are trees with their rich foliage of vines with their blossom-prophecies of purple clusters.  Oh the fair, blessed possibilities of the days and hours and minutes as they come to us from God’s hands!  But what did you do with yesterday?  How does the little acre of that one day look to you now?  What are we doing with our time?  Every moment God gives us has in it a possibility of beauty as well as something to be accounted for.  Are we using our time for God?”

Karen still has her head in the clouds.  She really enjoys her camera. 

Hard to believe Kathy is now 21.  The Wooley Ewe, a yarn and knitting store, had nice circular knitting needles that Kathy had chosen for her birthday and she is well on her way to knitting a scarf out of some alpaca she had spun.   It was a joy to see the friendship between Kathy and Karen as they went off shopping for the afternoon, making sure to stop in at The Cheesecake Factory.   I heard that the white chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake is too good to be true, but that the one with caramel, Butterfingers, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in it is even sweeter.  The raspberry lemonade glasses sported glass-tops frozen in sugar.  Must have been a tough afternoon for the girls to live through.  (Why doesn’t anyone ever choose the tiramisu?)

The younger girls put together a treasure hunt for Kathy’s gifts while she was out shopping and cheese caking.  They had wrapped four collector’s Winnie-the-Pooh animals in the miniature size (ebayed weeks before), and of course the hunt was in the woods a few miles from our house.  Here, in the One Hundred Acre Wood, as we affectionately have called it for 17 years, is Kathy and Kimberly finding the last little box which had a bear with fluff in it.  Kimberly was not deterred even in her sling.  Kathy, a Pooh collector, now only has the LARGE Pooh to secure for her collection. 

 James finished teaching Philemon to us and I learned many new things.  We are near the end of a short study in Phillippians and also working on the big (and I mean big!) Bible study question test.  The questions are getting harder.    We also did a time line of the Apostle Paul’s life and have a general map in our heads of where and what.  These are quiet, calm, and cool studies for the evening when James stretches out about half-way in the clavicle breaking chair recliner.  He is very much feeling the lasting life-time effects of the medication he was on last summer and the recliner is the most comfy place to be.  We are thankful that his brain is engaged even when he is tired.

In the past few days I have realized more and more how much I love him.  If only I could lighten his load.  If only I could eliminate the things that stand in the way of his heart’s desires and his vision.  If only I could reverse road blocks and generate resources.  If only.

One thing I am thankful for and that is his job is going rather well, particularly in a down economy and with many stresses in the business world.  His staff has been doing a great job and yesterday he was included on the Millenium Project Committee list.  Now I am sure there is some spiffy name for the committee but I’d never remember it.  Probably something like Innovative Millenium User Engagement Metrics.  If you browse through the 2009 corporate buzzword list at the end of this post, you can use them singularly or put any of them together and sound like you are really with it. 

Every once in a while I get a re-charge on the food menu and that hit me like a ton of bricks last week.  One of those I gotta, I gotta, I gotta do this kind of thing.  I ran across a new-to-me cookbook on discount last week and within its pages I found “My Mom’s Best Meal” and “Editor’s Meals” and “Meals on a Budget.”  It was an easy overview and with just an hour on the computer to come up with a master list … wha-lah! out from my printer came a six month menu.   We are also going to eat through the United States this next year.  More on that later.  Gotta pick a state first.  Got 50 choices. 

The math books arrived.  My middlers walked off with them before I even cracked them open.  What?   A Spangler picking up a math book?  We must be in for trouble.   James came up with a math sheet for them to do the work on that I wish I would have had years ago.

Emily is back on eye-patching for hours each day.  She is discouraged.  She has the ability to see one-eyed and it must be two, not one.  When she is two-eyed, she sees double.  Her 12 years have been filled with much confusion from visual disability.  I am praying for her every day as the patch goes on.  The new blue contact masks the coloboma well.  Her new glasses are a pretty shade of pink or rose or lavendar.  Not sure which.  She loves them and the shop was able to lessen the thick lens somehow.  A much better look.  There are signs that she will have to use a vision therapist, something new to us.

At the same time, if you ask Em what she is doing this summer, she will reply “Growing my hair.”  We stopped off for a quick haircut last week and I did not communicate correctly with the Asian haircutter who was English deficient.  English deficient means three inches too short.    Em has a good attitude towards this error.  Says it is cool for the summer and that she has reverted back to her pre-school Pixie days. 

Both dollhouses are almost complete on the exterior.  It’s nice to have the roofs and trims on.  If hoof becomes hooves, then why doesn’t roof become rooves?  Well, I guess that would not work because then goof would be gooves and that would be ridiculous.

My prescription continues to be rest and prayer.  From it has sprung up wells of gratitude for things I had not seen before.  Thank you, my precious Lord. 

Here’s the fun list of the 2009 corporate lingo.  It makes me crack up when I read this stuff.  At the same time it is a sad commentary.   From www.marketing-jive.com.

1. Value Justification – this was a hot buzzword/phrase in late 2008. We expect that this “buzzword” will continue to be on the lips of many marketers and business owners in 2009.
2. User Engagement – engagement was #9 on our list a year ago but has jumped up into the number two position this year as companies will be working that much harder to get users to engage with their content on their websites.
3. Business Objectives – in 2009, you can expect to hear a lot about defining business objectives as organizations proceed with lean initiatives.
4. Lean – you’ve probably already heard that 2009 is going to be a lean year from the economy to budget spend. After a tough 2008, many organizations will be looking towards lean initiatives to ensure that their organizations remain competitive and profitable.
5. Benchmarking – rounding out the top 5 is benchmarking as companies will be focusing on their direct competition to try and measure their own success.With that here is how the rest of the top 100 play out:
6. Personalization
7. Incremental Improvement
8. Success Metrics
9. User Intent
10. iPhone App
11. ROI
12. Blended Search
13. Value Add
14. Lead-Gen
15. Brand Identity
16. Twittering
17. Bail-out
18. Visibility
19. Digital Marketing
20. Strategy – one of the most mis-used buzzwords out there.
21. Conversion Analysis
22. Online Budget
23. Value Stream
24. Social Networking
25. Actionable
26. Usability
27. Viral Marketing
28. Consumer Appeal
29. Merger
30. Off-line vs. Online
31. Low-hanging fruit
32. Share of Voice
33. Content Optimization
34. Integration
35. Re-skilling
36. Quality Score
37. Long-tail
38. Wiki
39. Head (keyword)
40. Online Marketing
41. Blogging
42. Best Practices
43. Cutbacks
44. Benchmark
45. Torso (keyword)
46. SEO 2.0
47. Business-to-Everybody a.k.a B2E
48. Site Architecture
49. Buying Funnel
50. Mobile
51. Brandstorming
52. Below Zeros
53. Webmaster Tools
54. Loyalty
55. Demand Creation
56. Web Analytics
57. Simplification
58. Restructuring
59. Corporate DNA
60. Dollarization
61. Downtrending
62. Video Optimization
63. Web Conferencing
64. Semantic Mapping
65. Bounce Rate
66. Alignment
67. Keyword Research
68. Lifelong Value
69. Online Evangelism
70. Recession Proofing
71. Mobi
72. Consumer Retention
73. Organic Search
74. Segmentation
75. Online Video Ads
76. SEM
77. The Obama Effect
78. Deferred Success
79. Win-Win
80. Calls to Action
81. Website Re-design
82. Emotional Economy
83. Greenlining – the process of going green in the office as a method of improving the working environment
84. Mobilization
85. Facetime
86. Waste Identification
87. Measuring Value
88. Trended Analysis
89. Enterprise Marketing
90. Voice of the Customer
91. Empowerment
92. Holographic Conference
93. Google Recession
94. Employee Surfboarding
95. Work in Progress
96. Re-engineering
97. Budget Checking
98. Redeploying Assets
99. Return on Invested Capital (ROIC)
100. Embedding

For years my husband has barred me from that wonderful liquid stuff that changes things.  That wonderful liquid stuff that is colorful and has its own unique aroma.  That wonderful liquid stuff that can be bought just about anywhere.  

This wonderful liquid stuff is called paint.  Or sometimes it is called stain.  Because I tend to wear more of it than actually apply it anywhere, my husband has determined that the best route for me is to stay far away from it. 

Today I received permission to open a can of stain and get the last of Annie’s dollhouse shingles stained.  I delegated it to Emily who did a great job, but reserved the clean up process for myself.  Having watched James close many cans of paint and stain, I took a small hammer and pounded away.  What I did not know is that there was so much stain in the lip of the can, that each strike produced a large spray of dark walnut stain all over the kitchen, all over Kimberly, and all over me.  It took me six blows before I realized what was happening and then I took a seventh strike just to make sure that my brain was registering the situation correctly.

Karen was delighted with the whole thing.  She thinks I look like an Appaloosa.

All I can say is that I am so glad that James was not home. 

For everyone’s learning I would just like to make a note that paint remover removes not just stain, but it removes makeup and the first layer of skin.  It also has a sting to it like nothing I have encountered before.   After the stain was removed, I wished I had remained an Appaloosa.

From my reading of the New Testament.    (I can’t keep up with James at all – he’s two books ahead.)

Luke 7:41f  There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.  And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both.  Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?

Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most.  And He said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.

Verse 47 … Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.

It has been pointed out to me repetitively how rotten a sinner I am.  All I can say is that I am forgiven much and I love my Saviour all the more.  And it is entirely comforting to me that no matter how bad I am, that God guarantees my sanctification.  It is promised.  No one can steal it from me.  And if He authors my sanctification, then He is the one who makes out the agenda of how it will happen. 

Philippians 1:6  Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

Sometimes Christian people just pick away at each other.  Sheep eating sheep is what R.C. Sproul calls it.  As I think about it,  I really don’t care if I get everything little thing perfectly right.  I don’t care if I get the important seat at the table because I am just simply overcome with gratitude that I am invited to the dinner.   In fact, I wonder how much witness perfect people have.  They have nothing to give anyone.  They have earned everything.   They are in the driver’s seat of choice.  

I think it is the other way around.  The God of the Universe has chosen.  And He has chosen sinners.  And I should love Him all the more for it.

In my files I have this written down that I read somewhere.  It has been food for thought for me.

“How does one suddenly receive something so wonderful that has nothing to do whatsoever with performance?  This reverse nature of the gospel is one of the simplest arguments for the validity of Christianity: no human being would have ever thought this one up.  Even if you wanted to contribute to your righteousness, you couldn’t. 

The giving of thanks is the only logical response one can have to a forgiveness and a holiness that are totally undeserved. ”

Isn’t the Gospel precious?

Oh, how I enjoy finishing up projects!  Things that drag on open ended for a long time tend to drag me down.  One of the blessings of a season of rest is that I am completing projects and getting back into the planning routine.  Overall it has been my experience that little or no planning produces little or nothing.  The past few weeks I have gone back to the drawing board and prayerfully have redesigned some critical elements in our home.  Things are beginning to take shape.

Giving all thanks to God for His strength in completing tasks, we are finishing up our “school year” if that is what you call it.  We school year round so at times it is hard to know when something starts or stops, but right now quite a few things are stopping and in a few weeks even more things are starting.  For a while I had been wondering if we were making any progress, but this week the puzzle pieces fell into place and for this I am grateful to the Lord for sustaining us over the past 18 months.  This week my children are finishing their math books and actually doing well.  I am not a math person, but have through God’s grace kept the math lessons regular.  That has paid off and my children are looking forward to their new books!  What?  Looking forward to math books?  Now that’s a first in the Spangler household.

Having finished a complete cycle of medieval history in early spring, we took three months off of our history timeline to do A Child’s Geography by Ann Voskamp.   This was a unit study for all seven children and we will complete the last lesson tomorrow.  I highly recommend this curriculum.  The lessons are interesting to a wide spread of ages and the application of each chapter is to World Missions so my children are looking beyond their own small world and considering the vast regions where Christ is not known.  Karen has been my impromptu helper since she is a science and history buff.  And our poor globe has been of much assistance.  I say poor because it is falling apart at the equator.  Literally has pulled apart that we can slip something inside of it.  We really could use a new one so that is something to look into.  We have ordered the Bible Geography by the same author and are going to use it with our Bible reading plan.

Kathy is aiding me on the dollhouse project.  Emily’s is now ready for interior decoration and Annie’s almost has the roof done.  Each shingle has been hand stained and then glued one by one, some being cut at odd angles to accommodate the front dormer.  With Kathy’s help I hope to move quickly on getting these houses down to one small project table. 

James and I have discussed each of the children and what they should be learning and doing over the next year.  Typed out sheets hold these goals for each child, materials have been ordered, and I look forward to sharpening a new pack of pencils.  There are goals that are not strictly academic and I am thinking through how we might achieve these, knowing that it is really the Holy Spirit that affects character change in any of us.

At the center of my thoughts is what am I supposed to be doing-thinking-being-improving.  I do not think it is selfish to spend some time on the island.  Or should I say “I Land” because what I am doing and how I am obeying is important.  Oh, for the grace of God to shine upon my life that I would walk more like Him daily!

Sometimes I get bogged down in the needs.  Right now we have several significant needs and something that I admire in James is how he rests in God’s Sovereignty.  Each night when I lay my head on the pillow I remind the Lord of these needs and then purpose to trust Him even though I can not see any supply channels coming our way in any of these needs.

This month has been a journey through Optic Land as Emily has proceeded through four appointments (so far – more to come) and is now wearing a contact lens in her coloboma eye.  She is seeing well and we are waiting to see if she will need prism glasses in addition to the contact.  Because her brain is training itself with the contact lens, it is still undetermined, but I am hopeful that it will be just a lens and not the additional glasses.  I myself can not choose which eye to look out of, ignoring the other as blind, as Emily can.  She claims that she is seeing more each day with both eyes working together.  God has amply provided for the special contact lens.  It not only is a special prescription and type, but it is also tinted in a way that masks most of the coloboma.  The doctor instructed me to look at it under the microscope while it was in her eye and it was the most amazing thing – looked like a piece of fabric with a multitude of colors in it.  The doctor is still ordering other colors until he is satisfied that it is the closest match.  We have also ordered glasses for when the contact is not being used.  All of this costs a fortune so it has been an encouragement to me that at this point we have only paid a small amount because of the diligence of the doctor to petition our vision insurance company.  Emily is entirely pleased.

Years ago I wore contact lenses when my vision allowed it so I was pretty confident that I would be able to help Emily in the early stages of putting it in and pulling it out.  Ha!  I have to laugh at myself.  I was competent in doing it myself, but found myself entirely frustrated in her learning to do it. 

So now I know two things that about drive me wild when working with a student:  putting in contact lenses and learning to sew.  For some reason I just want to just do it myself for them in either of these tasks.  Because the contact is quite a bit larger than Emily’s iris, it takes skill in placing it in the eye and then sliding it upward.  Her eye does not even open wide enough to just plop it in there.  When you consider that the contact sometimes flips inside out or just does not want to stick on the eye at times, well it was just frustrating.  I am happy to report that she is independent in putting it in and our mornings are filled with a happy Emily and a happy Mommy.   

I am entirely thankful for what the Lord is doing in my life right now.  I have had several good nights of sleep, we had a terrific library trip today, and we found that we could get drinks and lunch for all for $9 at a local quickmart.  We took a country drive home with lunch in our laps and library books scattered everywhere.  My guess is that we took out 150 books/CDs/DVDs.  I was blessed that the librarians were blessed with us at checkout because we were respectful and helpful – and they identified us verbally as Christian homeschoolers.   They said that they have about had it with kids today and the disrespect given to the facility and the staff.   That is a sad comment when the staff is there to serve us.  Sometimes I think we are failing miserably in character training and then something like this happens and I have a little hope that we are becoming more like Christ.

My greatest challenge this week is to keep my heart in neutral right now concerning what God’s will is for us in a certain area that James is pursuing.  I keep reminding myself that God will lead me through James and that I can just rest in this and keep my thoughts on what I am supposed to be doing at home.  To be honest, it is hard.  Sometimes I want to pester my husband about the decision making process and the timetable and a bunch of other things.  I am learning to keep quiet and just pray and leave it at that.  For a while I was neutral over the decision, but now I have a desire that is making it hard to stay in neutral.

Finally, how thankful I am that James has finished his Continuing Professional Education for his CPA license.  Each year he takes 40 hours to keep his license.  This year it was quite a bit of work, and because he has had a stressful year, he was far behind.  Over the past two weeks he has worked his normal job and completed the CPE.  I am happy to report that the hours were mailed to the Texas Society of CPAs this morning and he is up to date. 

We’ve taken some country drives.  The Texas prairies and ridges are just gorgeous after the spring rains.  The wildflowers and crepe myrtles are in bloom.  It is a lovely time in Texas and I am thankful for the abundant blessings from our Lord.

How easy it is to fall prey to unbelief.  I’ve been reading through the New Testament and this time through the Gospels my attention has been drawn to verses on faith.  When I came to the end of Mark, I noted at how prominent was the lack of faith after the Resurrection, so much so that the eleven disciples were held accountable to the Lord.  Undoubtedly I would have been part of the residue.

Mark 16:11-14

11  And they, when they had heard that he was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not.
12  After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country.
13  And they went and told it unto the residue: neither believed they them.
14  Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.

I looked up “upbraided” and here is what I found out.

3679. oneidizo, on-i-did’-zo; from G3681; to defame, i.e. rail at, chide, taunt:–cast in teeth, (suffer) reproach, revile, upbraid

Jesus definitely was not pleased. 

I don’t know about you, but I’m asking for more faith.

Psalm 16:7-11

I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.
I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.
Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

My life has been rearranged so that I am in a season of rest.  Since the summer of 2007 our workload and concerns have steadily increased and the toll on emotional and physical health has finally rung in.   I am grateful that in times like these I can go back to the scriptures and surround myself with their instruction, comfort, and their rest.  Yes, their rest.  And certainly part of that rest is what Psalm 16 says … we rest in hope. 

Even as I write this post on June 6th, my husband has gone to work in the wee hours of the morning and will work on Saturday.  It was a year ago, this very week, that he was oh-so-ever sick that lasted well into October.  Since that time he has slowly recovered and at the same time his workload and burdens have increased exponentially.   And the last five months have been killer months.  His employment as a manager for an international accounting software product has stepped up the pace as they are moving into a new edition that increases the language base for the users.  As a CPA, the spring months of March, April, and May are super busy as he helps with tax returns-advice-planning for others in the evening hours.  Even today, June 6th, there are several extended returns waiting completion.  He’s just been a very busy man with people calling him from all directions.  His greatest burden has been the desire to see church plants across this huge city to meet the spiritual needs of North Texas and he has invested fifteen to thirty hours per week in that area.  All of these things trickle down into our home, in fact I would say that it seeps into all kinds of cracks in our lives, eventually weighing things down. 

One of the trickle-downs is that this year several physical maladies creeped into my life, well OK they actually stormed in a little faster than I would have liked.  By February I was losing thirty percent of a month to being physically dysfunctional in my home, without counting more time lost to emotional stress.   And last to go was intellectual function as I can not recall whether or not I have replied to emails, what replies I sent to emails if I did send them, homeschool academics that usually energize me fizzle me, and I just realized that I am scheduled to walk a large field with my friend today and I never did purchase shoes (not sandals) for these kinds of activities although my last pair of shoes were thrown out in January.  Even yesterday I walked out of a store empty handed because I could not decide which purse was the right one since my old one is falling apart.  And this was a fantastic sale – the kind where leather is reduced from $110 to $20.  Surely my brain has short circuited.  The most intense brain activity I want to engage in is coloring with my little ones.  Maybe play-do comes first.

This is not a woe-is-me story.  Funny how people think that the description of a problem falls in that category.  It is not.  A walk from Genesis to Revelation is one problem after another since the fruit was eaten.  And a good reading of the Psalms reveals praise interwoven with personal identification of the Woes.  Capital letter Woes.  Problems like these beg us to take a step out of the box and go to the scriptures for diagnosis and instruction and walk forth.  

Psalm 37:5-7

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

My husband has set aside several seasons of rest for our family that will travel over many months and we are hopeful that my health will be restored and that we will have spiritual, emotional, and intellectual recharge.  There are several things that James has prescribed for us that we have barely put a dent in doing, but already are experiencing relief.  (Yes, one of his prescriptions is smoothie kefir. )   Together we are reading through the New Testament during the month of June.  As a family, we are brainstorming the answers to a several hundred question Bible test which is something our children think is fun.  And we are re-establishing sleep patterns, knowing that our personal health a decade from now depends heavily on this.  Twice I have taken the children swimming, thanks to the invitation from a friend.  A year’s worth of photos have been chosen to have printed for a scrapbooking/photo album day scheduled for this month – something my children enjoy.  I am playing games with my children once more, by-passing chess due to low brain energy, but enjoying Candy Land with Kimberly.   James is back as the superintendent of home-school with a very good set of plans taking shape, and together we are laying burdens at the foot of the Cross and leaving them there.   A dozen other things are in the prescription; the greatest being prayer and confession and praise.  The second greatest is forgiveness.  Third place goes to erasing expectations that are not God-given.  Fourth is patient Providential-dependent waiting on our deepest desires.

There are topics that I may journal about during this time and I am learning much just from being hemmed in.  Years ago a friend loaned me an out-of-print copy of a book written by an invalid.  Although I am not an invalid and can not pretend to understand what that entails, I have appreciated the author’s perspective.  She saw the problems and trials as thorn bushes around her that grew tall so that she could only look up.  And when she looked up she saw her Saviour God.  There is no better place to gaze. 

Psalm 104:34

My meditation of him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the LORD.

Some thoughts from A Place of Grace by Susan Hunt who writes for the Presbyterian Church of America.   I just finished this book and was blessed to sit at the feet of an older woman who writes with the glory of God before her.  These thoughts are selected from various chapters.

The one thing I have learned in thirty years of parenting is how much I do not know.  My husband and I have learned that our formulas were hollow and mechanical.  The plans and platitudes were sprinkled with Scripture but not seasoned with grace.  Now when we pray for our children and grandchildren, more often than not we utter the prayer of Jehosaphat:  We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you (2 Chronicles 20:12).

A covenantal perspective does not divide life into neat little compartments.  Thinking covenantally means that we see the wide expanse of God’s mercy and grace to His children intricately woven into every relationship and detail of life, but it also means that we are comfortable not always seeing or understanding how that happens. 

Those who know us well could tell you endless stories of individual and collective weaknesses, failures, or grief that would cause any reasonable person to think that this family should surely come unraveled.  And these messy tales are not all past tense.  They are ongoing.  But the Lord has made his face shine upon us… any glory you see is not a glory intrinsic to us.  

(People) do not need a one-size-fits-all solution.  They do not need a behavioral policy manual…. it is more about who God is than what we do. It is more about principle than performance.  It is more about grace than guaranteed game plans…  families are products and expressions of our theology.

As we examine Scripture, I am struck by the broad-stroke approach to parenting… that the covenantal model traditions a body of truth and a way of life based on that truth.  This model cannot be programmed because it encompasses all of life.  It is more about who we and our children are becoming than what we do.  It is more about the life parents live before children than the rules we force them to keep.

Listen to your children to hear yourself. 

We must be careful not to fall into the trap of “if I do A, God will do B.”  It is very easy to be ambushed by that kind of legalistic, performance-oriented thinking.  As soon as our children’s outcome becomes our motive, we are trapped. 

After the Storm by Karen Spangler

The soul would have no rainbows if the eye had no tears.  (An Old Saying)

We have had a most lovely spring here on our little plot of land in Texas.  Storm after storm passed over, drenching us and the good earth.  The flora and fauna drank deeply and in turn has given back a vibrant rainbow of the most gorgeous spring colors.   The rains spooked all kinds of things out of their holes to take up residence near us …. several water moccasins and garters, an opposum who continues to frequent our porch, squirrels, rabbits, ‘madillos, a raccoon, and an array of feathered friends.

Our wildflower field, cultivated over 17 years, is now in full bloom.  This 17 year plan holds much significance to me.  It calls me to gaze horizontally for a time before the hot winds of summer dry up the land.  For the most part, though, we usually look up, for as my daughter says, “In Texas the scapes are not out but up.”  So we have been spending our time looking up.  The storms have been a tremendous display of power and turbulence, and yet the blue skies prevail, dotted with the “cloud of the day” – whatever it may be.  It certainly is a most awesome thing to look up and not out, as represented in this photo taken from our front porch. 

My husband has been placing handwritten cards on my dressing stand each morning.   This morning’s card contained the following.  Thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.  Psalm 3:3   He did not know that last night I read that Psalm before retiring.  The verse was already warm in my heart and became warmer as I read the card.   I do not lift my head out of my own stength, nor out of my own righteousness, nor for my own glory.  It is for the God of the Universe, the Master Planner, the one who is called Wonderful, Counselor, Everlasting, the Prince of Peace, or as the Psalmist exclaims my Shield, my Fortress, my Rock, the One who set the heavens in motion, my Shepherd, the God of my salvation, the King of glory, and my Redeemer.  And that’s a partial list of descriptive names.

When I look up and behold His glory it is enough.  I am satisfied.

I Shall Be Satisfied
By Amy Carmichael

I shall be satisfied when I awake, with thy likeness.
Psalm 17:15

I shall be satisfied when I awake –
Not only on some future day of days
When I shall hear Him call me, and arise
To leave the earth and all its changeful ways;

But now and here, each morning, when my sleep
Drops from me like a garment of the night,
When with the darkness all its fears depart,
And I awake to find that it is light.

To feel the sting of memory’s reproach,
The consciousness of yesterday’s defeats,
How much was purposed and how little done
In all its small advances and retreats;

To know a new day waits me, with its tasks,
Its disappointed hopes, its vain desires,
Its oft-repeated failure to achieve
The heights of faith to which my soul aspires,

Its humbling knowledge of my life’s deep need,
Its weary ways o’er which my feet must plod;
Yet I am satisfied when I awake,
Because I see His face, my Savior God.