Maternal Affection by Emile Munier
Recently I was asked to give a devotional on the Joys of Motherhood. I have been asked to put my notes in print, and the following is just my notes, not a polished article.
As to the topic this morning, it was suggested to me that I share with you about the joys of motherhood. As I thought through this my mind sifted and categorized memories, thoughts, principles, and experiences and these formed into two different kinds of joyfulness in my mind.
The first kind of joy I thought through are things that generally come rather automatically to mothers. For example, the joy of first knowing that a little one was growing inside me or the first time I was sure I felt movement as though there was a little goldfish inside of me. There is no joy that matches the joy of holding each newborn child, something that the vast majority of mothers experience. As I look back through the baby photo albums that we have made in our family, I remember quite clearly the joys of the first smiles, the first tooth, and the endearing things my children have done over the years.
There is a different kind of joy, though, that I would like to share with you today. These are the joys that are earned. These are joys that are only discovered by mothers who are willing to walk with the Lord on a day by day basis according to God’s Word. Even a woman who is not a Christian will have the automatic kind of joy that comes from being a mother, but this second kind of joy belongs to the Christian mother. I have divided these up into Three Joys of Motherhood that are earned through godly living
To help me remember I have come up with Three R’s …. Reverence, Redeem, and Rest.
The first R is Reverence: By this I mean, Reverence our husbands by giving them our hearts.
Ephesians 5:33 And the wife see that she reverence her husband.
I would like to suggest to you that the joy in motherhood that we earn through reverencing our husbands is the joy of having our children’s hearts.
Mothers desire the best for their children and they yearn to keep the hearts of their children in such a way that there is tenderness in the mother-child relationship, honesty, and bonding. There is a desire in the Christian mother to see her children walk in the ways of the Lord. If we want to have the hearts of our children then there is one central key to doing that. We have to give our hearts to our husbands. It is the sweetness of the yielded heart of a wife to her husband that sets the tone for the home and demonstrates to her children what she desires for them to do.
It is absolute misery to have a child whose heart is turned away from us in rebellion. I have many times where rebellious wives produce rebellious children.
The first thing a mother must contemplate is how completely and in what ways she can give her heart to her husband. What are some ways that we can practically give our hearts to our husbands according to Ephesians 5:33, so that we reverence them as God wants us to? I started writing Questions for Wives in 1999 (go down on my sidebar to BlogRoll, choose Resources, choose Questions for Wives). It has been an evolving document as I am continually learning how to reverence my husband. The questions came from my own private walk with God and the areas that I have struggled in. In fact, I could call it my ‘Struggle Document’. Yet I know how important it is to reverence my husband, and especially in front of my children regardless of how many times I have failed in this.
For those young ladies in the room who are not married, you can learn to have a reverent heart while you are young. I encourage each of you to give your heart to your parents and to respect them and obey them as fully as you can. If the Lord ever brings you a husband, you will be well prepared to be a godly wife. In fact, having a reverent heart is more important than knowing how to cook or clean or sew or being a scholar in any of your school subjects.
As each of us married women reverences our husband, we will experience the joy of our children having respect and honor for us as mothers. Reverence to our husbands is the model for our children to follow. It is an incredible joy to have the heart of our child. (And it is a joy to each husband to have the heart of his wife.)
The Second R is Redeem: By this I mean, Redeem the time knowing that Real Living Begins at Home
Eph 5:15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.
I would like to suggest to you that the joy of motherhood that we earn by redeeming the time is that we will have children who are saturated in the scriptures and our children will be highly productive for the Lord.
2 Tim 3:15 …from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
Sometimes I amazed when I read through book catalogs produced by Christian booksellers and read what is being written for the Christian mother. The self-help books paint a picture of a mother who is frustrated, purposeless, overworked, unhappy, trying to find herself, and a myriad of other problems. I would like to suggest to you that if we redeem the time according to what the scriptures spell out for us, that these unhappy and unproductive wives, and therefore unhappy and unproductive homes, would make a turn around.
One of the central problems is that somehow we have forgotten Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 which define the Christian woman through the grid of her home, and we convince ourselves tha treal living starts when we step out the front door and make our way to the car. This is very true for the typical working mom, but it is also true for homeschoolers.
The real question is: Who are we going to invest in? Our husband’s and our children’s souls are the only things that count for eternity. Everything else that we produce only counts for this temporary world. The mass exodux of mothers into the workforce is a prime cause of our nation turning away from things that count for eternity. This same spirit of discontent in being a keeper at home can also be found in the Christian homeschooling mother. But how do we find contentment and purpose at home and redeem the time?
Our first R was reverencing our husbands, and as we practically apply that on a day by day basis we will invest first in them.
Now we need to think of how to invest in our homes which means our children. This begins even long before they are born as we acquire habits, skills, knowledge, and character that we will in turn invest in our children. Think of the possibilities ofinvesting in an infant, even setting a goal of reading the entire Bible to him before his first birthday. There is so much to do within the home but it takes thought and vision and determination to find this path. It also takes hours of being at home, not out in the world.
For you younger girls who are not married yet, you can think of what you do each day and whether or not you are busy doing things that are productive and things that will enable you to serve the Lord your entire life.
A few years ago I wrote out my job description based upon Proverbs 31. It is a list of investments that I hope to make in my family. Although this is a personal listing, I thought maybe it would be helpful to you to see what a joy it is to be in a later season of mothering and how much there is to do. If you would like you can take my listing and revise it to what the Lord has placed on your heart to do, then you can make short and long term goals of how to redeem the time at home. (Go down on my sidebar to BlogRoll. Choose Resources. Choose Proverbs 31 Job Description. Please note this is an old copy and I do not have the new version published.)
We also can invest in our church by investing in our husbands who will lead the church, performing gifts of service to one another but only when needed. The home takes priority over the church. I would also suggest that the best investment we have in our church is for we women to make sure we do not have any bitterness toward any other woman in the church and that we pray consistently for one another each week.
If our priorities of investment are in line, then we will invest in our world through the impact of strong families and churches. It is the failure of the family, the primary unit of society, that has caused our churches and our nation to fail.
It takes effort and time to build a Christian home. So much so that we have to be discerning as to how much time to spend out of the home. If we endeavor to prepare 21 healthy meals, laundered and ironed clothing, ordered and lovely homes, adequate academics, and then plan for the future or the next baby or even several babies ahead of time, it really does take time. And at the same time we need to be addressing the needs of each child that has been given to us. That alone takes a tremendous amount of time. The key to all of this is to die to ourselves and live for Christ at home. It is the best way to redeem the time. I have observed mothers for 30 years and I have never seen one mother who was working out of the home achieve a lovely home environment where her husband and children were thoroughly and completely blessed and the home unit was protected and strong. There has always been some area of compromise with a mother out of the home. The home schooling mother can follow this out of the home path if she is not putting her efforts first into our home, or if she escaping through the internet or some form of laziness and lack of focus.
The daily work you perform in your home is crucial to redeeming the time. Most of us need to scale back on those things that take us out of the home. Perhaps we can cut our out-of-the-home activities from a weekly basis to a bi-weekly basis. We can also find ways to minister home to home to keep Christian culture thriving and evangelize the lost.
When we redeem the time in the correct way we will live ourlives based upon scriptural priorities. The joy that results from redeeming the time is the joy of seeing our children serving their parents, their family, their church and their world in whatever season of life they are in. The misery is when we see children who do not know how to redeem time and they have no life purpose. Aren’t these children all around us? Aren’t these children in the mainstream programmed church and in schools across ou rnation? When we see home educated children with life purpose, it is so exciting and it gives us hope for the future.
When those children are our own children is an incredible joy.
But remember, this does not come if our focus is toward the world.
The Last R is Rest: By this I mean, Be a Rested Mother
Matthew 5:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
When we are rested, we will have children who will live in greater peace and children who have life purpose. Allow me to give you just a partial list of ways that are important to be a rested mother.
1. Rest in our study of scripture.
a. The study of scripture keeps our minds aligned with God’s will so that we can live our life based upon truth and not our feelings and not the ways of the world.
b. Meditating on scripture changes us. When we are walking in the flesh we are not at peace. When we are walking in the Spirit we are rested.
c. Don’t read anything else daily until you have read the Scriptures.
2. Rest in our prayer life.
a. This kind of rest comes through conversing with God throughout the day. This is what the scripture calls praying without ceasing.
b. There is a deep peace that comes from abiding in the Lord. It is deep down and it is a calm that is undisturbed. Having this kind of calm as a mother goes a long way in producing joy in our homes. Agitated homes are not joyful homes.
3. Rest in our physical health.
a. Nourish our bodies properly.
b. Get proper rest. I have studied sleep in recent years. Women who get less than 8 hours of sleep per day end up withpoor health in 5-10 years, especially immune diseases. Nine hours is optimal. As mothers we need to plan sleep into our schedules and into our children’s schedules. I achieved this with younger children by having firm bedtimes at night and then during the day blanket training my babies. That way I could have rest time when I needed it and our home had a better opportunity to stay calm and rested.
c. Take a walk each day. Vitamin D is crucial and our lymphatic season deserves the walk.
d. Do not use artificial stimulants to maintain our lives as this is a false representation of God’sprovision and plan for a wife and mother. Artificial stimulants are also harmful to our bodies and they affect our adrenal system which then triggers the breakdown of other body systems and is a cause for burnout. (Caffeine and sugar the worst offenders.)
4. Rest in our emotional health.
a. Rest in who God made us and do not compare ourselves with others. II Cor. 10:12
b. Rest in Christ and His eternal priorities and abandon the rush of life and desire for material goods. Mark 4:19 And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful. The world wants to choke out a focus on eternity. The fashion industry wants us to buy a new clothing style every 6 months, the cosmetic industry wants us to be discontent with our hair color every 12 months, car dissatisfaction is planned for 4 years, home furnishings change over in just 3 years. Isn’t the world grabbing for our focus all the time? We must stand against this. These are not eternal priorities.
c. Rest in being grateful instead of being angry or bitter. Thess. 5:18.
d. Be at peace and do not be fearful. II Timothy 1:7 James and I believe that fear is the #1 problem in the lives of Christian women.
e. Be at rest in our minds and think good things. Phil. 4:8
f. Do use good music, good art, and God’s creation to refresh us. Col. 3
g. Place our focus on Christ and not on people.
5. Rest in our academic life.
a. Nourish our minds by reading three books at one time to keep our minds active on a mom’s level. Suggestions:
Light (cookbooks or decorating) Academic (homeschool and curriculum helps, biographies, women’s interest), Heavyweight (theology, Baxter Christian Directory)
b. Do not shrink from filling the holes in our education so we won’t be frustrated in educating our children.
c. Do read good authors from the past. They are deeper and more fulfilling.
d. Plan for a restful future by preparing years ahead in home education. Before a baby is born you can plan his education from 0 to 12 months and even beyond.
6. Rest in our daily schedule.
a. Have regularity in our lives. Develop habits. Gives children security. Aren’t we glad that we know the sun will rise every morning? What if we had to guess that it would happen? How would that affect our lives? God is a God of order. 1 Cor 14
b. Commit to stewardship of every minute of the day.
c. Do not be distracted by the Internet and other time gobblers such as the TV. If they are too great a temptation, we should obey the scriptures and flee from them. This does not mean that we stay out of the house to flee them. This means we get rid of the temptations in the home. Or we have our husbands time lock them so they won’t turn on during the day.
d. Do set correct priorities. Doing this gives us freedom and joy.
7. Rest in our financial situation.
a. Beware that we will always want 10% more.
b. Determine to live on 10% less.
c. Do not set our hearts on riches. Do not evalute others by what they own.
d. Set our heart on things that are eternal. Make relationships (God, family, others) number one.
e. Be grateful for our hired servants. Dishwasher, washing machine, vacuum, disposable diapers.
8. Rest in God’s sovereignty.
Sometimes we can not see what God is doing. Our circumstances may seem to be just crazy to us. Or our trials seem too much to bear. Or we lack understanding as to why God has us in thesituation that we are in. Or perhaps we look at how our government has turned from God’s ways and we wonder what the future holds
The joys of motherhood will evade us if we do not have a rock bottom trust in God’s sovereignty.
Deut 29: 29 The secret things belong unto the LORD our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.
Each of us has our own time in history, our own set of circumstances and experiences, and our own set of children and a husband. We may not be able to see or feel all the answers but we can be assured that God is sovereign and in control no matter what the outside of our world looks like. Ephesians 1
When we are a rested mother, the joy is that our minds are aligned with God’s word so that our children will walk in wisdom.
When we are a rested mother, the joy is that our relationship with God overflows into our relationship with our children. We can not feed our children spiritually or academically or emotionally if we ourselves are tired, headachey, distracted and irritable.
When we are rested and content at home, we don’t have a worldly focus. We aren’t looking for something “out there” to fill our social needs or our wants. Instead we have a godly, contented focus and our children catch that and then they want to serve the Lord, not the world. Here are the ties and the tags for yourfavor bag.
When we are a rested mother, we feel well physically and emotionally and spiritually so that we are able to serve our children and they in turn are not exasperated. If we are naturally at rest, as in not being artificially stimulated to be alert, then we will know how much to do in each day and we will rest that God gives us manna, or our bread, but only one day at a time.
When we are a rested mother, we have minds that are cultivated with knowledge to impart to our children. The joy is that we will have bright, engaging alert minds in our children instead of dull minds and poor academic skills.
When we are rested in our daily schedule, we have children who enjoy their days and develop life purpose as they learn to do things.
When we are a rested mother, we trust God that He knows what He is doing and the joy that comes in our children’s lives is that they are fearless warriors for Him.
Let’s do a quick review of the 3 Rs and we will be all done!
Reverence your husband – the joy will be that your children will reverence you and not the world.
Redeem the time – the joy will be that your children will serve the Lord and not themselves, and in highly productive ways.
Rest is non-negotiable – the joy will be that your child will be nourished and fed and full of life purpose because you are nourished and fed and full of life purpose.
