I have been given a few unusual clothespins.  The writing on one of them has been my verse of meditation for today.  I have it pinned to my clothing today as a reminder.

The Lord is my strength and my shield.  My heart trusts in Him and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him.  Psalm 28:7

Frequently the topic of brokenness has come up between a friend and me, and adding her thoughts and observations to mine has shown me that the only way to really trust in Jesus as my Saviour (salvation) and Jesus as my Lord (sanctification) is to be truly broken.  One thing that God will not despise is a broken and a contrite heart.  (Psalm 51:17) 

As I come into this week of Thanksgiving, the thing I am the most thankful for is any and all evidences of a broken heart in my life.  In recent days this broken heart and broken spirit have met up with some changes in my life and new trials and testings yet in the middle of all this brokenness is a heightened spirit of trust in my precious Lord.

Some of these testings I can log here.  

***  The most important breaking in my life has been in the interior of my heart – way down deep.  This has been a long year, a long season of waiting and trusting, a long season of taking my sins and failures before the Lord to the point where it has seemed hopeless to even count them all before Him.  And then speaking His words back to Him.

My soul cleaveth unto the dust: quicken thou me according to thy word.

My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word.

Let thy mercies come also unto me, O Lord, even thy salvation, according to thy word.

Psalm 119:25,28,41

In the words of my friend … “My hunger and desire for Christ became indescribably exponential once I began to see my sins for what they truly are.  I saw how wretched I was and how totally vile I was…God made almost tangible my complete lack of doing anything that was right or pleasing to Him.”

***  My daughter has been ill for several weeks now and medical testing has searched for serious and life threatening disease and has turned up nothing.  This week we will continue on to another specialist and see if he can diagnose the affliction.  The open ended question of “what can be wrong?” added to watching her suffer has further broken my trust in human sufficiency and turned me more toward Him who knows who is wrong and who has this in His design for us.   “…in the shadow of they wings will I make my refuge.”   Psalm 57:1 

***  This year we have had to say no to things we can not do and that has broken my whole family in various ways.  We have said no to caring for people in various arenas and relationships of life, ones that we had the desire to pursue but where it is clearly not in God’s will that we could or should.  My heart has broken to see the needs in our extended families and friends.  I am inadequate to serve many times.  This has brought me to my knees, trusting God that He will clearly give me what I need when it is time for me to serve another.  It is so easy to do things in the flesh.  Instead I must wait for Him to carry me to the next task. 

***  When broken by slander or abandonment or injustices, I have come to Christ and agreed that I am really the one who is the chief sinner and do not deserve a good name, nor any human friendship on earth, nor justification for anything I have ever done.  Only He is righteous and good and faithful.  Great are thy tender mercies, O Lord: quicken me according to thy judgments.  Psalm 119:156

So, my thanksgiving is for the brokenness of 2009 with all of its heaviness, its cleaving to the dust, its unveiling of my wicked heart.  Only in this brokenness have I truly been able to look up at the Cross and know Him who died for me.  To claim Him as my every breath.  To drink His Word and be satisfied.  And to place my trust, as feeble and frail as it is, in the Lord.  Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.  Psalm 51:12 

We have nothing to do with tomorrow until we get to it.  When the day comes with its cares, then we may meet them and then God will provide for them.  Duty only is ours – the faithful, diligent doing of God’s will day by day.  The rest is God’s, and anxious care is unbelief.  Our Father will surely take care of us if we are only faithful to him. Away, then, with anxiety.  Do your work, your duty, the bit of God’s will for the day, and let God care for you.  Then the peace of God shall keep your heart and mind.

From J.R. Miller’s In Green Pastures

Tennessee

State Nickname:  The Volunteer State (for the volunteers sent to fight in the War of 1812)

State Bird:  Mockingbird

State Flower:  Iris

The three stars on Tennessee’s flag represent the three physical regions of the state: East, Middle, and West according to our books.  East Tennessee is the Great Smoky Mountains, which is located within a day’s drive of more than half the people in the U.S. so it is the most visited national park.  Middle Tennessee is a large oval basin of gently rolling land which contains Nashville, Music Capitol of the U.S.  (Country music that is.)  West Tennessee is in the flatter expanses of the Mississippi River Valley where on the River is Memphis, the city of the Blues.  Tennessee originally belonged to Cherokee and Chicksaw Indians but by the 1830s all of them had been driven out.

Immigrants from Ireland and Scotland set up farms in the valleys of East Tennessee while Southern cotton planters moved into West Tennessee.  The state was deeply divided over the Civil War but finally it was the last state to join the Confederacy.  The Ku Klux Klan was founded in Pulaski, Tennessee, in 1866.  There were long decades of poverty for both white and black farmers.  Disease ravaged its cities, too, as cholera epidemics hit Nashville and yellow fever killed thousands in Memphis in 1878.

During the Great Depression the state was launched into the industrial era when the Tennessee Valley Authority built dozens of dams along the Tennessee Rivers.  The state used this new hydropower to produce aluminum, steel, weapons, chemicals, and textiles.  During World War II, the U.S. government built a secret research facility at Oak Ridge where scientists worked to develop the atomic bomb. 

Tennessee borders eight states.  We decided they had better be good to all of their neighbors since they have eight to keep happy!

We have travelled through Tennessee eight times – the long way – meaning straight across the skinny state.  We have enjoyed travelling east, particularly toward Knoxville as the ridges become higher and the mountains are straight ahead.  One time we did stop to vacation in the Great Smoky Mountains (loved it) and enjoyed some of North Carolina.  There is a Christmas store in Pigeon Forge that is out of this world.   And once we toured the Belle Meade Plantation and put our fingers into bullet holes from the Civil War and ooohed over the carriage house.   James has stayed in Nashville on business and for all the conferences he has done for his employer, it was the most expensive.  We have skipped the Grand Ol Opry since we aren’t country fans.  And we’ve skipped Graceland and the Blues in Memphis. 

James and I are chatting as I blog, and he remembers heading toward the Smokies when he saw layers of clouds ahead.  He was surprised as we continued that it truly was the mountains and not clouds that he saw.  Karen just reminded me that James took her horse back riding in the Smokies and they happened upon a mother bear and her cubs.  Emily caught her first fish in a cold and clear Smoky Mountain creek.  She would have been about two or three.

There were so many things to choose from for state food as far as a menu goes, but we decided to do something new and something old and something simple.  From the Tennessee State Fair we chose their idea of Hot Roast Beef Sundaes.  We started with old fashioned mashed potatoes with a crisp top.

And then we researched how corn was made back in the Civil War Days of Tennessee.  It was fried brown in bacon and then had seasonings and milk added.  This, of course, had to be browned in a cast iron skillet to be authentic.

Then we served the corn and built sundaes.  There you see the country potatoes, roast beef, cheese, and gravy.  Is it a cherry on the top?  Yep.  A cherry tomato!  Desert was an old fashioned pecan and cream recipe for ice cream.   We were intrigued that the desert menu for the TN State Fair included something called Deep Fried Goo Goo Clusters.  We decided to pass on that one!  In other states we have been reading about Deep Fried Twinkies.  I think we’ll stick with ice cream!

Forgiveness is not just an event.  It is a lifestyle decision based on our view of God.  The need for forgiveness abounds in all of our homes and our churches, because we are sinners and we live with sinners.  The grace of forgiveness that we extend to others will be in proportion to our understanding of and gratitude for the undeserved forgiveness we have received.  Forgiveness flows freely in a place of grace, and the forgivers and the forgiven are richer because they live in such an environment.  (Susan Hunt in A Place of Grace)

Matthew 6

12  And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
14  For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
15  But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18

21  Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
22  Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
23  Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
24  And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
25  But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
26  The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
27  Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
28  But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
29  And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
30  And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
31  So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
32  Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgavethee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
33  Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
34  And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
35  So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

(Before I log some thoughts on forgiveness, I’d like to say to whoever reads this blog post that my heart overflows today with gratefulness to the Lord for showing me the beauties of Christ and His salvation and His grace when my heart is wicked and black and ugly.  I truly am basking in His mercy in my bankrupt condition.  With this introductory statement, I am placing this devotional on my blog, mostly for my children to review as I have shared these thoughts with them this week.  I am a blessed mother in that my children have forgiving spirits toward me.  It is not our intent on any of our blogs to put forth any image that is not true of us.  We deal with real life and real sin and real failure in our personal lives.  The following thoughts come from my heart with no intention other than to point us back to Christ and His mercy, grace, truth, and peace.)

I have found that there is always someone to forgive.  The “someone” comes in many forms – our spouse, our children, our parents, our siblings, our relatives, church members, the pastor’s wife, bosses, neighbors, and even the guy who just cut you off while driving on the freeway.  Every day we are presented with something or someone that causes us distress.  If not in personal form, then what we read in the news or experience through community living will reveal if we have a heart of forgiveness.  

When called to forgive, everything we believe is on the line.  We often think of forgiveness as something entirely emotional, but it is also intellectual and also a matter of the will.  The question to answer is:  Is God’s grace sufficient?  If we really believe that and are willing to act upon it, then we will forgive.  Truly forgive.  Not just say the words.  Not just mentally recognize that we must forgive.  Not just do what is obviously right.  Not just go through the mechanics of it.  If God’s grace is sufficient and we know that and we live resting in that, then forgiveness is a settled choice.  And our emotions will eventually rest too.  If I am not forgiving, then it is a sign that I believe that I don’t need God’s grace spread upon my own soul, my own trespasses, my own needs.   When someone comes to me seeking forgiveness, resolution, and restoration, my response is even more important than the words of my offender.  I will either have a heart that is earnestly and lovingly seeking restoration, or I will have a heart of little grace.  I will take the time to pursue a conversation laced with approachability if I really love the other person.   

If I have not forgiven another, or if I am not preparing to give the gift of forgiveness to my offender ahead of her asking for forgiveness, then I am guilty of the sin of bitterness.  Hebrews 12: 15 says …Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.  There again we see how believing in the grace of God is the foundation and when we don’t grasp grace, we end up with bitterness.  This then breeds contempt, scorn, and a judgemental attitude.   It is a set-up for family failure and church failure in a broad sense as much as in an individual sense.   When offenses are occurring, I have the choice to overlook the offense, or to wait for resolution of the offense.  If I am waiting for resolution, the godly thing to do is to prepare my heart to quickly and completely forgive my offender and not stack up a growing account against her.  When she does come to set the account straight, then I can freely give forgiveness and we can work toward a solution together.  Otherwise my heart is tentative.  I have often found that if my heart is not like the instant fragrance of a crushed flower ready to forgive the one who crushed me, then I have difficulty coming full circle in forgiving and forgetting.

I must have in the forefront of my thinking the realization that I have the potential to do things far worse than my offender has done to me, and I probably already have done things far worse than my offender.  In fact, based upon God’s law I already know that I have severely transgressed all of the Ten Commandments if I have evaluated my heart truthfully.  I can not forgive another if I do not recognize the state of my heart and the nature of man.   Otherwise, I count righteousness to myself.  When I count righteousness to myself, I am self-righteous.  Most often I find that the very act that offends me is found also in my heart but it manifests itself in sin in another way.  If I claim that I myself never sin in whatever my offender’s sin is, and that I have this area of living down-pat, then woe is me.  I am blind to my heart.  Most likely my offender will be able to see my blindness and this will call further relational problems.

I must recognize that I do not know everything that is going on in my offender’s life.  I am not her Judge.  I am not God over her.  I am not omniscient.  And if I am trying to diagnose her or am walking in judgement of her, then I immediately am in error.   

If I can not wake in the morning and get ready for the day without dwelling on my offender, then I am walking in sin.  If I spend the early minutes of my day cataloguing her transgressions, harboring frustration toward her, reviewing what I think she has done wrong, and belittling her character to myself, then I have a sinful root of bitterness.  I might as well forget her offense and view my own as the real problem.

One of the questions I must ask myself of my offender is:  What have I done to push her into behaving poorly or responding wrongly?  Is there something that I am doing that is causing her to stumble?  Am I committed enough to her to go and ask her if I am irritating her, discouraging her, or exasperating her?  Do I have an attitude of pride that is distressing her?  Am I committed enough to her to accept that she may have something else going on that I don’t know about?   I have set a goal that when I am offended, I take the time to reflect on whether or not I have enabled my offender in her area of weakness.   If something is truly grieving me, I will not wait to work toward a solution either.   I will not wait and I will not excuse the thought that I may be the problem. 

There are many joys in handing the gift of forgiveness to another person.  Two come quickly to mind.  First, the beauty of Christ’s forgiveness towards me is just all the more beautiful when I forgive another.  And secondly, it is a pure joy to give that gift to another.  The gift of forgiveness is something only I can give to this person because I was the one offended.  No one else can give that gift in my place.  On the receiving end of forgiveness, I have had this kind of liberty handed to me only a few times, but what a blessing it was and continues to be. 

I can tell if I have forgiven if I don’t place demands and expectations on the other person, or if I don’t grill him/ her on the subject or if I hand in my “police” hat.  Forgiveness that is given as a gift gives liberty, not bondage to both the giver and the receiver.  It is a time of celebration that all has been made well.  It is also a time when I can ask the other person … is there anything that I have done to cause you to stumble?  What can I do to be a better sister in Christ to you?  And this can not be said with any condescension because then I have the sin of pride.

I must always remember that if someone asks me for forgiveness that I, in some shape or form, have committed the same sin as this person.  If I hint to this person that I am spotless in this area or that I have this sin conquered, or that others can depend upon me to excel in this area, then I have just committed sin.  This is then an area of pride and self-righteousness for me.  I must always remember that I have transgressed all of the Ten Commandments, which when applied in our lives covers all things.   It is also very possible that the actual sin I think that has been committed against me, in all actuality I have committed it and am blind to it.  Humility could be demonstrated if I ask my offender if I am manifesting a certain sin in my life.  (See the Westminster or London Baptist Confessions of Faith for details of the Ten Commandments as these have excellent explanations.) 

True forgiveness is not manipulative.  I don’t forgive because I am teaching my offender a lesson.  And my offender can tell if I have truly forgiven her or not.  I know that I can tell when I have asked for forgiveness if the person I have asked has forgiven me or not.  And I know deep down if I have forgiven another.  It is really not rocket science.

Must all offenses be forgiven through confession by my offender?  No!  We may choose to forgive over and over again without bringing up an offense to another.  However, if we are struggling month after month with another person and not resolving it, then we ourselves have added sin to the situation.  This kind of living only brings relationships to a far poorer state. 

People can falsely accuse us and question our motivations, words, and actions and not have understanding as to why we believe as we do why we do things we are doing.  We must also look past the offense when it comes our way and take time to reflect on why someone has struck out at us or does not have the gift of forgiveness.  There are times when we must accept the fact that another person does not have understanding or is operating from a faulty theological position or belief system.  It is at times like these that we realize that people are not snapshots, rather they are videos.  They are growing, they are learning.  In the future they may understand more.  So we give them the benefit of the doubt when we can. 

How often should I forgive?  Jesus answered that question with seventy times seven.  My calculator reads 490 on that calculation.  This is for one person.  If there are two people in my life, then it reads 980.  And so forth.  The point is that Christians are called to be a forgiving people.   

We can’t be in grace relationships that are expanding in the context of a battlefield.  There is no way that our families and our churches can survive while we are battling against each other.   We can not battle the world and Satan in this condition.  One of the snags in the Church is that some people are by nature law-givers and so they make it their agenda to have everyone obey.   Many times law-givers keep an ongoing review of those things that are easy for them to obey in, but may be hard for others to obey.  It is important to part with self-reliance and abolish the agendas of law-givers.  The Holy Spirit is who has the agenda – not us.  For me to cultivate grace relationships means that I have to follow Christ according to my conscience but apply a broader brush stroke to my neighbor. 

The more I have studied and reflected on these things, the more I realize that a covenantal approach to life showers relationships with grace.  God’s covenantal principles upon which this whole world is founded pours general grace upon the world and specific grace on the believer.   By nature I am a covenant breaker so I purpose to make choices based upon keeping covenants and building covenants and demonstrating covenantal thinking.

II Corinthians 2

7    So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.
8    Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him.
9    For to this end also did I write, that I might know the proof of you, whether ye be obedient in all things.
10  To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ;
11  Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

How ’bout them Yankees?    How ’bout them navy pin stripes?